1 00:00:06,106 --> 00:00:08,397 - [Monty] It all started with me saying goodbye to 2 00:00:08,397 --> 00:00:10,858 my significant other in Boston and heading down 3 00:00:10,858 --> 00:00:15,026 to University of Chicago for a summer project. 4 00:00:15,026 --> 00:00:16,178 That was the beginning of what 5 00:00:16,178 --> 00:00:19,208 I would call my summer of love. 6 00:00:19,208 --> 00:00:20,917 The summer in which I met a variety of 7 00:00:20,917 --> 00:00:23,218 colorful characters in the seedy underground 8 00:00:23,218 --> 00:00:27,448 of the so-called night life of the windy city. 9 00:00:27,448 --> 00:00:29,917 And colorful they were. 10 00:00:29,917 --> 00:00:32,637 There was Quasimodo, the lovable troll 11 00:00:32,637 --> 00:00:36,117 who claimed to have invented the first glory hole. 12 00:00:36,117 --> 00:00:38,786 Her archenemy "Baby" Jane Hudson, 13 00:00:38,786 --> 00:00:42,010 and old time actor from years gone by. 14 00:00:42,010 --> 00:00:44,200 Then there was Kunta, the illegal alien 15 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:47,570 who was rumored to sell $5 blowjobs, then send 16 00:00:47,570 --> 00:00:50,738 the money to his sick mother in Mexico. 17 00:00:50,738 --> 00:00:53,129 John Bennet, who was once a beautiful 18 00:00:53,129 --> 00:00:56,796 blonde beauty, but that was a long time ago. 19 00:00:58,490 --> 00:01:01,440 There was Hal, Ryan, who was nothing 20 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:04,458 but trouble, the mid-lunch cowboy, 21 00:01:04,458 --> 00:01:07,125 Red Rider, Montezuma, Cleopatra. 22 00:01:09,149 --> 00:01:11,232 And then there was Jamie. 23 00:01:12,289 --> 00:01:14,566 This time of night, Jamie could usually 24 00:01:14,566 --> 00:01:16,318 be found in the late night Mexican 25 00:01:16,318 --> 00:01:20,097 dump on Halstead having a burrito or two. 26 00:01:20,097 --> 00:01:23,576 Or in one of the XXX video arcades. 27 00:01:23,576 --> 00:01:27,076 I met Jamie my first night out in Chicago. 28 00:01:29,876 --> 00:01:32,206 So now that I've brought you all to him, 29 00:01:32,206 --> 00:01:36,373 I'll give him the spotlight and bow away gracefully. 30 00:01:38,396 --> 00:01:41,646 Well not too gracefully, as you'll see. 31 00:01:47,497 --> 00:01:51,508 - Oh, well if it isn't super troll at large. 32 00:01:51,508 --> 00:01:53,258 - Look who's talking. 33 00:01:56,276 --> 00:01:59,359 (gentle piano music) 34 00:02:02,513 --> 00:02:05,155 - [Marcus] Come on Jamie, say it. 35 00:02:05,155 --> 00:02:08,417 - [Jamie] This is a bad idea, I can't go there. 36 00:02:08,417 --> 00:02:09,873 - [Marcus] Say it, Jamie. 37 00:02:09,873 --> 00:02:11,638 You've gone too far to go back now. 38 00:02:11,638 --> 00:02:14,234 - [Jamie] No I haven't. 39 00:02:14,234 --> 00:02:15,651 - [Marcus] Jamie. 40 00:02:16,501 --> 00:02:19,773 - I can't, I mean that would be too much. 41 00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:21,426 - Tell me what it is. 42 00:02:21,426 --> 00:02:23,946 I know every dirty little thought that 43 00:02:23,946 --> 00:02:27,375 goes on in that sick, demented mind of yours. 44 00:02:27,375 --> 00:02:29,375 It helps me to help you. 45 00:02:30,356 --> 00:02:33,175 Interactive psychotherapy! 46 00:02:33,175 --> 00:02:34,335 Say it! 47 00:02:34,335 --> 00:02:39,146 ♫ I want a stray lover who is gay just for me 48 00:02:39,146 --> 00:02:41,197 ♫ I don't compete with others 49 00:02:41,197 --> 00:02:45,546 ♫ So you queens just let me be 50 00:02:45,546 --> 00:02:46,629 - Howdy, Sam. 51 00:02:47,746 --> 00:02:49,323 - Twice in one day, huh? 52 00:02:49,323 --> 00:02:50,986 (chuckles) Gonna be worn out. 53 00:02:50,986 --> 00:02:52,986 Go and have a good time. 54 00:02:54,026 --> 00:02:56,776 ♫ Straight lover 55 00:02:59,106 --> 00:03:01,273 ♫ Hot sex 56 00:03:04,666 --> 00:03:08,249 ♫ Lust for me and me alone 57 00:03:09,755 --> 00:03:14,743 ♫ The other boys don't get his bone 58 00:03:14,743 --> 00:03:18,910 ♫ I let him see straight kinky porn 59 00:03:20,015 --> 00:03:23,932 ♫ Then he lets me eat his corn 60 00:03:25,135 --> 00:03:29,302 ♫ I'm the (mumbles) lust and joy 61 00:03:30,415 --> 00:03:33,498 ♫ Eat your heart out 62 00:03:34,733 --> 00:03:37,483 ♫ Straight lover 63 00:03:40,522 --> 00:03:43,583 - Hey hey hey hey, can I ask you something? 64 00:03:43,583 --> 00:03:44,666 - Sure, what? 65 00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:47,983 - Can I talk to you for a second over there? 66 00:03:47,983 --> 00:03:50,462 - No, I'm okay right here. 67 00:03:50,462 --> 00:03:51,795 What's going on? 68 00:03:53,842 --> 00:03:55,314 - Can I take you out to dinner? 69 00:03:55,314 --> 00:03:57,442 I know this really nice place. 70 00:03:57,442 --> 00:03:59,186 - Thanks, that's very generous 71 00:03:59,186 --> 00:04:01,615 of you, but this is too exciting 72 00:04:01,615 --> 00:04:04,325 here and I don't really wanna leave. 73 00:04:04,325 --> 00:04:05,815 - Are you straight? 74 00:04:05,815 --> 00:04:07,226 - Why do you ask? 75 00:04:07,226 --> 00:04:08,893 - You look so fresh. 76 00:04:10,733 --> 00:04:12,150 - I'm just plain. 77 00:04:12,994 --> 00:04:14,077 Is that okay? 78 00:04:14,914 --> 00:04:17,695 - Yeah, I'm just not used to a guy as attractive 79 00:04:17,695 --> 00:04:21,605 as you paying much attention to the older crowd. 80 00:04:21,605 --> 00:04:22,634 I'm a little bit shocked. 81 00:04:22,634 --> 00:04:23,717 - I can tell. 82 00:04:24,906 --> 00:04:27,406 What can I say, I love trolls. 83 00:04:28,386 --> 00:04:30,047 I think they're hot. 84 00:04:30,047 --> 00:04:31,146 - Really? 85 00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:31,979 Why? 86 00:04:31,979 --> 00:04:34,313 - They're so pushy. 87 00:04:34,313 --> 00:04:37,264 Being overly shy, I admire that. 88 00:04:37,264 --> 00:04:40,097 I'd like to learn to be like that. 89 00:04:40,977 --> 00:04:43,206 Like this guy, check him out. 90 00:04:43,206 --> 00:04:44,289 - You got me. 91 00:04:45,937 --> 00:04:49,520 - I like the way he puts himself out there. 92 00:04:51,086 --> 00:04:54,169 It's hot in a disgusting sort of way. 93 00:04:55,394 --> 00:04:57,097 (laughter) 94 00:04:57,097 --> 00:05:00,944 - All right, look, can I give you my phone number at least? 95 00:05:00,944 --> 00:05:01,777 - Sure. 96 00:05:04,755 --> 00:05:06,865 - You think you'll call? 97 00:05:06,865 --> 00:05:10,366 - Listen, I don't wanna lead you on or anything, but this 98 00:05:10,366 --> 00:05:13,537 is more of the scene I'm interested in, you know? 99 00:05:13,537 --> 00:05:14,870 Sleazy quickies. 100 00:05:15,886 --> 00:05:17,969 But thanks just the same. 101 00:05:18,933 --> 00:05:20,350 - You're welcome. 102 00:05:21,494 --> 00:05:23,577 - So ready for round two? 103 00:05:30,865 --> 00:05:33,454 Actually, I'm gonna go get a Coke. 104 00:05:33,454 --> 00:05:35,454 - Let me get it for you. 105 00:05:36,452 --> 00:05:39,452 (rhythmic drumming) 106 00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:50,907 - So sorry. 107 00:05:50,907 --> 00:05:51,740 - But-- 108 00:05:53,006 --> 00:05:54,666 Fucking vultures! 109 00:05:54,666 --> 00:05:55,912 Fuck! 110 00:05:55,912 --> 00:05:57,829 Gay life is not for me. 111 00:05:59,241 --> 00:06:01,452 There's gotta be something else. 112 00:06:01,452 --> 00:06:04,121 - What do you have in mind? 113 00:06:04,121 --> 00:06:05,812 - I wanna be the exotic novelty, 114 00:06:05,812 --> 00:06:09,321 the Mata Hari, the femme fatale of suburbia. 115 00:06:09,321 --> 00:06:10,154 - Go on. 116 00:06:13,512 --> 00:06:16,502 - I want straight guys to find me hot. 117 00:06:16,502 --> 00:06:18,521 (purrs) 118 00:06:18,521 --> 00:06:21,438 - [Marcus] You aim high, my friend. 119 00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:25,915 Jamie, my feeling, in all honesty, is... 120 00:06:29,132 --> 00:06:31,622 Find yourself a nice gay boy or 121 00:06:31,622 --> 00:06:34,205 man and stick to your own kind. 122 00:06:35,713 --> 00:06:38,121 - May I have this dance? 123 00:06:38,121 --> 00:06:41,121 (rhythmic drumming) 124 00:06:45,963 --> 00:06:48,380 (rock music) 125 00:06:51,722 --> 00:06:53,912 (loud moaning) 126 00:06:53,912 --> 00:06:56,412 (alarm rings) 127 00:06:57,533 --> 00:06:58,882 - [Jerry] Good morning, all you party 128 00:06:58,882 --> 00:07:01,933 animals, this is your DJ Jerry Sans. 129 00:07:01,933 --> 00:07:03,274 First thing I want you to do is 130 00:07:03,274 --> 00:07:05,173 take that damn hangover, walk over to 131 00:07:05,173 --> 00:07:07,653 your garbage can, and junk it where it belongs. 132 00:07:07,653 --> 00:07:10,143 If you can't do that, have a beer. 133 00:07:10,143 --> 00:07:12,133 Something about a taste of the hair. 134 00:07:12,133 --> 00:07:13,373 Hope you all are on your way to 135 00:07:13,373 --> 00:07:15,632 the beach or to some barbecue, whatever, 136 00:07:15,632 --> 00:07:18,482 I'll be your DJ for this Sunday afternoon. 137 00:07:18,482 --> 00:07:20,382 Now that's not necessarily a good 138 00:07:20,382 --> 00:07:22,093 thing if you know what I mean. 139 00:07:22,093 --> 00:07:26,762 Trouble is on the way and here's the first song. 140 00:07:26,762 --> 00:07:28,634 (cheering) 141 00:07:28,634 --> 00:07:30,394 - Mr. Spatula Man! 142 00:07:30,394 --> 00:07:31,982 - Hola, Jamie! 143 00:07:31,982 --> 00:07:33,682 (laughter) 144 00:07:33,682 --> 00:07:34,515 - Hey! 145 00:07:34,515 --> 00:07:36,282 - Hey gorgeous, mwah. 146 00:07:36,282 --> 00:07:38,170 - Mmmm, me hungry, honey. 147 00:07:38,170 --> 00:07:40,050 - Is that a warning, you horndog? 148 00:07:40,050 --> 00:07:41,832 - You betcha. 149 00:07:41,832 --> 00:07:44,645 You animal you, it's been a while, huh? 150 00:07:44,645 --> 00:07:46,108 - Hey, need a hand? 151 00:07:46,108 --> 00:07:48,811 Let me know, I am a gourmet cook. 152 00:07:48,811 --> 00:07:50,388 - Don't tell me it's true. 153 00:07:50,388 --> 00:07:52,139 - Taste my macho tacos. 154 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:53,536 - (laughs) Should've brought some 155 00:07:53,536 --> 00:07:55,615 with you there, Wolfgang Puck. 156 00:07:55,615 --> 00:07:57,294 Guys, this is my friend Jamie. 157 00:07:57,294 --> 00:07:59,845 Treat him right and he'll do you good. 158 00:07:59,845 --> 00:08:00,816 - Hi Jamie, I'm Dave. 159 00:08:00,816 --> 00:08:02,037 - And I'm Jack. 160 00:08:02,037 --> 00:08:03,987 How about a hot dog with your beer, bud? 161 00:08:03,987 --> 00:08:05,884 (laughter) 162 00:08:05,884 --> 00:08:07,504 - Look at this motherfucker. 163 00:08:07,504 --> 00:08:08,624 - Yeah. 164 00:08:08,624 --> 00:08:09,892 - How's the garage? 165 00:08:09,892 --> 00:08:11,133 - Garage is good. 166 00:08:11,133 --> 00:08:12,784 Jamie, meet Ray. 167 00:08:12,784 --> 00:08:14,725 He's gonna be working with us at the shop. 168 00:08:14,725 --> 00:08:15,693 - Welcome aboard. 169 00:08:15,693 --> 00:08:17,373 - Hi, I'm Ray Milano, nice meeting you, man. 170 00:08:17,373 --> 00:08:18,206 - Yeah. 171 00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:19,475 - Ran into him the other day, he said 172 00:08:19,475 --> 00:08:21,765 he needed a job, so here he is. 173 00:08:21,765 --> 00:08:22,598 - Good choice. 174 00:08:22,598 --> 00:08:24,892 - Thanks man, I'm sure we'll be good friends. 175 00:08:24,892 --> 00:08:26,493 Us grease monkeys gotta stick together. 176 00:08:26,493 --> 00:08:28,744 - I hope so. (laughter) 177 00:08:28,744 --> 00:08:30,264 Hey, more beautiful people! 178 00:08:30,264 --> 00:08:32,235 - Made a salad and party favors. 179 00:08:32,235 --> 00:08:33,818 - Love it, love it. 180 00:08:34,892 --> 00:08:37,613 - Jamie and Ray, you got Tom and Jeanette. 181 00:08:37,613 --> 00:08:38,664 - How it's going guys? 182 00:08:38,664 --> 00:08:40,581 - Hey, good to see you. 183 00:08:41,512 --> 00:08:42,345 How you doing? 184 00:08:42,345 --> 00:08:43,391 - Hi, nice... 185 00:08:43,391 --> 00:08:44,818 - Sorry, we'll try again, there we go. 186 00:08:44,818 --> 00:08:47,505 - [Tom] Nice to meet you. 187 00:08:47,505 --> 00:08:49,534 (laughter) 188 00:08:49,534 --> 00:08:51,553 - [Jeanette] Where are we supposed to put our stuff down? 189 00:08:51,553 --> 00:08:52,714 - [Chuck] Right over here. 190 00:08:52,714 --> 00:08:53,974 - [Jeanette] Thank you. 191 00:08:53,974 --> 00:08:56,233 (ethereal music) 192 00:08:56,233 --> 00:08:57,904 - [Tina] You're on vacation, sexy, so just 193 00:08:57,904 --> 00:09:02,043 relax and enjoy the scenery, you macho taco. 194 00:09:02,043 --> 00:09:04,293 (laughter) 195 00:09:10,723 --> 00:09:12,640 - [Chuck] There you go. 196 00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:18,966 ♫ Sometimes I dream alone 197 00:09:18,966 --> 00:09:22,443 ♫ In a world that's not all too real 198 00:09:22,443 --> 00:09:25,834 ♫ True love, men with wives and vibes 199 00:09:25,834 --> 00:09:29,206 ♫ Words can't tell how I feel 200 00:09:29,206 --> 00:09:32,574 ♫ I'm lying in a sunny pool 201 00:09:32,574 --> 00:09:36,334 ♫ Grooving on a beer 202 00:09:36,334 --> 00:09:39,424 ♫ Imagining another life 203 00:09:39,424 --> 00:09:42,974 ♫ Wishing you were here 204 00:09:42,974 --> 00:09:46,195 ♫ I know just what I want 205 00:09:46,195 --> 00:09:49,593 ♫ I love to touch and play 206 00:09:49,593 --> 00:09:52,995 ♫ That bitch is getting jealous, dear 207 00:09:52,995 --> 00:09:56,553 ♫ There will be hell to pay 208 00:09:56,553 --> 00:10:00,153 ♫ Through the rainbow clouds I fly 209 00:10:00,153 --> 00:10:03,544 ♫ From decades long gone by 210 00:10:03,544 --> 00:10:06,793 ♫ Like an old time Quaalude buzz 211 00:10:06,793 --> 00:10:10,486 ♫ Euphoric in the sky 212 00:10:10,486 --> 00:10:14,653 ♫ Sometime on a sunny day in 2006 213 00:10:17,246 --> 00:10:20,686 ♫ I felt a thrill so strange and new 214 00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:24,094 ♫ Full of heartaches, pain, and blue 215 00:10:24,094 --> 00:10:27,406 ♫ But when it gets under my skin 216 00:10:27,406 --> 00:10:30,974 ♫ I think of just one thing 217 00:10:30,974 --> 00:10:34,295 ♫ In your face sure feels a need 218 00:10:34,295 --> 00:10:38,127 ♫ No holding back indeed 219 00:10:38,127 --> 00:10:41,335 ♫ I have some problem, so what, my shrink said 220 00:10:41,335 --> 00:10:44,974 ♫ In a certain smile 221 00:10:44,974 --> 00:10:48,063 ♫ People get a little weird 222 00:10:48,063 --> 00:10:51,716 ♫ Unable to (mumbles) 223 00:10:51,716 --> 00:10:54,906 ♫ Along the way and don't go far 224 00:10:54,906 --> 00:10:58,575 ♫ Just ask yourself one thing 225 00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:01,847 ♫ Are you afraid someone will find out 226 00:11:01,847 --> 00:11:05,221 ♫ Who you really are 227 00:11:05,221 --> 00:11:06,054 - Faggot. 228 00:11:07,226 --> 00:11:09,295 (laughter) 229 00:11:09,295 --> 00:11:12,295 (rhythmic drumming) 230 00:11:17,506 --> 00:11:21,164 (gentle acoustic guitar music) 231 00:11:21,164 --> 00:11:23,412 - [Jamie] Great pool party. 232 00:11:23,412 --> 00:11:24,983 - Wife and me was glad you could make it. 233 00:11:24,983 --> 00:11:26,452 - I had a blast. 234 00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:29,023 - Jamie Jamie Jamie, you sure were a hit with our friends. 235 00:11:29,023 --> 00:11:30,892 - It was fun. 236 00:11:30,892 --> 00:11:33,284 - Should've stuck around for the midnight special. 237 00:11:33,284 --> 00:11:34,212 - Midnight special? 238 00:11:34,212 --> 00:11:37,198 ♫ Oh the midnight special 239 00:11:37,198 --> 00:11:38,876 (chuckles) 240 00:11:38,876 --> 00:11:41,704 Sheila and me was in the center of a hot orgy. 241 00:11:41,704 --> 00:11:42,542 - How many? 242 00:11:42,542 --> 00:11:43,569 - Nine ways. 243 00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:45,369 - (whistles) Yikes. 244 00:11:45,369 --> 00:11:48,499 - Could've used the extra warm body to make it an even 10. 245 00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:49,788 - Sounds dangerous. 246 00:11:49,788 --> 00:11:51,901 - (laughs) Good times, baby, good times. 247 00:11:51,901 --> 00:11:52,871 (laughter) 248 00:11:52,871 --> 00:11:53,941 You know what I think? 249 00:11:53,941 --> 00:11:55,463 - What? 250 00:11:55,463 --> 00:11:57,020 - I think you're blushing. 251 00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:59,252 - (laughs) No, no, not really. 252 00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,431 I was very comfortable, I wish I could've stayed. 253 00:12:01,431 --> 00:12:03,343 - What stopped you? 254 00:12:03,343 --> 00:12:05,061 - Let me think. 255 00:12:05,061 --> 00:12:05,894 Vinny! 256 00:12:09,842 --> 00:12:12,060 When you get a chance, those two cars need an oil change. 257 00:12:12,060 --> 00:12:12,893 - You got it. 258 00:12:12,893 --> 00:12:13,726 - Okay. 259 00:12:15,771 --> 00:12:17,531 - Hey Ray! - Morning. 260 00:12:17,531 --> 00:12:18,861 - Ray, Jamie and I was just talking 261 00:12:18,861 --> 00:12:20,820 about Sunday, good times, eh? 262 00:12:20,820 --> 00:12:22,346 - Oh second that. 263 00:12:22,346 --> 00:12:25,639 Hey, you were that guy in the lounge chair. 264 00:12:25,639 --> 00:12:29,063 - I confess. (laughter) 265 00:12:29,063 --> 00:12:31,971 - We gotta get out of here and work or do something, right? 266 00:12:31,971 --> 00:12:36,782 - Hey, I'm gonna take my lunch to the park today. 267 00:12:36,782 --> 00:12:39,144 - Don't do anything I wouldn't do. 268 00:12:39,144 --> 00:12:41,644 - Jamie, you are a homosexual. 269 00:12:42,563 --> 00:12:44,683 You've always been a homosexual, 270 00:12:44,683 --> 00:12:47,973 and you will die a homosexual. 271 00:12:47,973 --> 00:12:50,972 You can't help but be who you are, Jamie. 272 00:12:50,972 --> 00:12:52,305 That's life 101. 273 00:12:53,332 --> 00:12:55,083 Get it through your head. 274 00:12:55,083 --> 00:12:56,492 - How was the truck stop? 275 00:12:56,492 --> 00:12:59,012 I saw your old jalopy by the one in Elton. 276 00:12:59,012 --> 00:12:59,845 - Did you? 277 00:13:01,252 --> 00:13:02,515 Yeah, I was right in the middle 278 00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:04,452 of something when the cops bust in. 279 00:13:04,452 --> 00:13:07,132 It was not a pretty picture. 280 00:13:07,132 --> 00:13:08,293 - [Jamie] Hope you got your teeth 281 00:13:08,293 --> 00:13:10,024 back from the highway patrol. 282 00:13:10,024 --> 00:13:14,172 - Don't make fun of her gumjobs, it's her life. 283 00:13:14,172 --> 00:13:16,755 (jazzy melody) 284 00:13:23,563 --> 00:13:24,424 - [Ray] Jamie! 285 00:13:24,424 --> 00:13:25,257 - Yeah? 286 00:13:25,257 --> 00:13:26,363 - [Ray] I need you out here! 287 00:13:26,363 --> 00:13:29,331 - I was watching a nostalgic 70s TV program, this guy 288 00:13:29,331 --> 00:13:32,195 is running across the baseball field buck naked. 289 00:13:32,195 --> 00:13:34,395 (laughs) Crazy. 290 00:13:34,395 --> 00:13:36,315 - [Jerry] Hey, Jerry Sans here. 291 00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:38,521 If you are going out tonight, stop by The Cell Block 292 00:13:38,521 --> 00:13:42,362 and say hi to Troy, the hottie bartender. 293 00:13:42,362 --> 00:13:43,453 - [Jamie] Tell me, Troy. 294 00:13:43,453 --> 00:13:44,933 - What's up? 295 00:13:44,933 --> 00:13:46,784 - You know that creep Hal? 296 00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:48,464 - Hal Stevens, yeah. 297 00:13:48,464 --> 00:13:49,297 Why? 298 00:13:50,232 --> 00:13:51,293 - Coming in tonight? 299 00:13:51,293 --> 00:13:53,533 - He's probably on his way. 300 00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:54,366 - Good. 301 00:13:56,832 --> 00:13:58,403 - [Wilma] That's it? 302 00:13:58,403 --> 00:14:00,070 - That's all she said. 303 00:14:00,070 --> 00:14:02,590 Thanks for the good times, goodbye. 304 00:14:02,590 --> 00:14:04,845 - Just shows you men aren't the only dogs. 305 00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:06,227 - Cheers. 306 00:14:06,227 --> 00:14:08,706 - I have got to find me a straight woman from the suburbs. 307 00:14:08,706 --> 00:14:10,576 The hell with you city dikes. 308 00:14:10,576 --> 00:14:12,016 - Evening, Dracula. 309 00:14:12,016 --> 00:14:12,906 (hisses) 310 00:14:12,906 --> 00:14:14,547 - Keep your fangs in, dear. 311 00:14:14,547 --> 00:14:16,067 It's much more attractive. 312 00:14:16,067 --> 00:14:19,835 - You know, penis envy can lead to suicide. 313 00:14:19,835 --> 00:14:22,918 (country rock music) 314 00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:28,901 - Hey, could I have a beer? 315 00:14:28,901 --> 00:14:30,484 - Yeah, no problem. 316 00:14:34,694 --> 00:14:35,594 - Howdy. 317 00:14:35,594 --> 00:14:36,463 - Here you go, sexy. 318 00:14:36,463 --> 00:14:37,296 That one's on me. 319 00:14:37,296 --> 00:14:38,129 - Thank you. 320 00:14:38,129 --> 00:14:39,135 - You're welcome. 321 00:14:39,135 --> 00:14:40,783 - What you been up to lately? 322 00:14:40,783 --> 00:14:42,754 - I found this new bookstore on Ashland 323 00:14:42,754 --> 00:14:45,794 with the most unbelievable trolls. 324 00:14:45,794 --> 00:14:47,743 Really hot, I had the best time. 325 00:14:47,743 --> 00:14:49,063 - Don't tell me. 326 00:14:49,063 --> 00:14:50,575 I get jealous easily. 327 00:14:50,575 --> 00:14:52,255 - All right, I won't. 328 00:14:52,255 --> 00:14:54,838 What's up with you, what's new? 329 00:14:56,078 --> 00:14:57,615 - Same old. 330 00:14:57,615 --> 00:14:59,846 Hey, I got an idea. 331 00:14:59,846 --> 00:15:03,422 (chuckles) Let me take you to the back. 332 00:15:03,422 --> 00:15:04,844 - I don't know. 333 00:15:04,844 --> 00:15:06,015 - Come on, I'll give you the 334 00:15:06,015 --> 00:15:08,823 grand ol' tour, and no obligations. 335 00:15:08,823 --> 00:15:09,656 - Really? 336 00:15:09,656 --> 00:15:11,375 - I got some passes. 337 00:15:11,375 --> 00:15:13,055 - All right, that sounds like fun. 338 00:15:13,055 --> 00:15:14,255 - Great, we'll grab some dinner 339 00:15:14,255 --> 00:15:16,495 beforehand and make an evening of it? 340 00:15:16,495 --> 00:15:17,604 - All right. 341 00:15:17,604 --> 00:15:19,066 - Hi, baby. 342 00:15:19,066 --> 00:15:20,566 Long time no fuck. 343 00:15:26,346 --> 00:15:27,179 Come on. 344 00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,183 I want some action. 345 00:15:30,183 --> 00:15:32,594 That's right, I want some of that tight body. 346 00:15:32,594 --> 00:15:37,210 - No, go ahead, have a good ol' time, I'll be fine, Monty. 347 00:15:37,210 --> 00:15:40,303 - Looks like you lost another one to the back room, huh? 348 00:15:40,303 --> 00:15:41,282 - We'll see. 349 00:15:41,282 --> 00:15:42,591 (laughing) 350 00:15:42,591 --> 00:15:45,341 (hip hop melody) 351 00:15:48,103 --> 00:15:51,642 - Tina, can I get that package I gave you earlier? 352 00:15:51,642 --> 00:15:52,892 - Yes, sweetie. 353 00:15:58,002 --> 00:15:59,669 - Wilma, here it is. 354 00:16:00,932 --> 00:16:02,682 Just as we discussed. 355 00:16:05,562 --> 00:16:06,395 - Got it. 356 00:16:06,395 --> 00:16:08,242 This is gonna be hysterical. 357 00:16:08,242 --> 00:16:13,122 - (chuckles) Remember, I put a lot of energy into this. 358 00:16:13,122 --> 00:16:14,622 Do not fuck it up. 359 00:16:15,802 --> 00:16:16,969 - Don't worry. 360 00:16:18,722 --> 00:16:22,889 - I think we're gonna have to take a little rain check. 361 00:16:25,013 --> 00:16:26,930 Look, I'm really sorry. 362 00:16:30,789 --> 00:16:31,899 - Gerald. 363 00:16:31,899 --> 00:16:32,732 Benjamin. 364 00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:45,533 Whoa. 365 00:16:46,954 --> 00:16:50,371 Check out that big dick twink over there. 366 00:16:51,652 --> 00:16:54,011 - Looks available too. 367 00:16:54,011 --> 00:16:55,330 - You know what, I'm gonna go size 368 00:16:55,330 --> 00:16:56,561 that up before some of these other 369 00:16:56,561 --> 00:16:59,394 sharks go in and get some of that. 370 00:17:03,171 --> 00:17:05,063 - Howdy, stud. 371 00:17:05,063 --> 00:17:05,896 - Hi. 372 00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:08,977 - You into fucking? 373 00:17:11,324 --> 00:17:13,205 (snickering) 374 00:17:13,205 --> 00:17:14,317 (mumbles) 375 00:17:14,317 --> 00:17:16,241 - We'll talk about this for years to come. 376 00:17:16,241 --> 00:17:18,491 (shushing) 377 00:17:21,984 --> 00:17:23,817 - Shut up and suck it. 378 00:17:31,969 --> 00:17:34,477 (laughter) 379 00:17:34,477 --> 00:17:38,957 Like you said, penis envy can lead to suicide, dear. 380 00:17:38,957 --> 00:17:40,736 - [Betty] What the fuck? 381 00:17:40,736 --> 00:17:43,022 - Hi boys, good times. 382 00:17:43,022 --> 00:17:45,815 - Jamie, that was the funniest thing. 383 00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:49,802 - (laughs) Thank you. 384 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,684 You know, let's get out of here before she kills us both. 385 00:17:51,684 --> 00:17:53,767 - No, I'm all right here. 386 00:17:54,682 --> 00:17:57,163 - I mean I was hoping that we would... 387 00:17:57,163 --> 00:17:58,913 - Hoping and wishing. 388 00:17:59,943 --> 00:18:01,775 Don't be disappointed. 389 00:18:01,775 --> 00:18:04,025 Can I get you a drink here? 390 00:18:05,204 --> 00:18:06,376 - Yeah. 391 00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:07,209 Beers? 392 00:18:11,670 --> 00:18:15,837 So you had a girlfriend and then started experimenting. 393 00:18:17,312 --> 00:18:19,664 - No, quite the opposite, I started 394 00:18:19,664 --> 00:18:23,164 experimenting and then I had a girlfriend. 395 00:18:25,282 --> 00:18:27,122 - She still around? 396 00:18:27,122 --> 00:18:28,622 - She's my fiance. 397 00:18:31,882 --> 00:18:32,715 - Oh. 398 00:18:33,962 --> 00:18:36,045 So you're gonna do the... 399 00:18:37,191 --> 00:18:39,824 Closeted double life thing? 400 00:18:39,824 --> 00:18:41,991 - Nah, it's too dishonest. 401 00:18:43,506 --> 00:18:45,534 My plan was this. 402 00:18:45,534 --> 00:18:48,534 A walk on the wild side for a few months before 403 00:18:48,534 --> 00:18:51,454 the final hitch, then once I become a husband, 404 00:18:51,454 --> 00:18:54,871 change gears, and all this will become... 405 00:18:55,745 --> 00:18:57,705 Nothing but a distant memory. 406 00:18:57,705 --> 00:18:59,370 - Does she know? 407 00:18:59,370 --> 00:19:00,203 - No. 408 00:19:03,174 --> 00:19:04,595 - What's her name? 409 00:19:04,595 --> 00:19:05,715 - You really wanna know? 410 00:19:05,715 --> 00:19:06,548 - Yeah. 411 00:19:08,035 --> 00:19:08,868 - Jamie. 412 00:19:08,868 --> 00:19:09,701 - Shut up. 413 00:19:09,701 --> 00:19:11,118 - I swear to God. 414 00:19:12,093 --> 00:19:13,512 - Woo hoo hoo! 415 00:19:13,512 --> 00:19:16,095 (techno music) 416 00:19:19,453 --> 00:19:22,262 (laughter) 417 00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:25,099 - Must be good, care to share? 418 00:19:25,099 --> 00:19:27,472 - Yeah, some publisher is printing a 419 00:19:27,472 --> 00:19:29,012 calendar of the 12 most built 420 00:19:29,012 --> 00:19:31,573 car mechanics in the Chicago area. 421 00:19:31,573 --> 00:19:34,662 They're choosing the best ones, one per shop. 422 00:19:34,662 --> 00:19:36,472 What do you think, Jamie? 423 00:19:36,472 --> 00:19:37,937 - Do it, Chuck! 424 00:19:37,937 --> 00:19:40,658 - You are too ugly, I will be their personal choice. 425 00:19:40,658 --> 00:19:41,608 - [Jamie] Uh-oh. 426 00:19:41,608 --> 00:19:42,649 Let's see what you got. 427 00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:45,899 - What do you think of this, Professor? 428 00:19:46,899 --> 00:19:47,925 - I don't know. 429 00:19:47,925 --> 00:19:50,613 All right, Chuck you do it again. 430 00:19:50,613 --> 00:19:52,514 Ray, go to the background. 431 00:19:52,514 --> 00:19:54,034 Chill for a second, man. 432 00:19:54,034 --> 00:19:57,784 (hip hop synthesizer melody) 433 00:20:22,714 --> 00:20:26,881 Is this a regular calendar, or is this a nude calendar? 434 00:20:30,945 --> 00:20:33,606 (western harmonica sting) 435 00:20:33,606 --> 00:20:36,174 - Who do you have to fuck around here to get any service? 436 00:20:36,174 --> 00:20:38,702 (laughter) 437 00:20:38,702 --> 00:20:39,632 - Woo! 438 00:20:39,632 --> 00:20:42,632 (rock guitar music) 439 00:20:46,289 --> 00:20:50,460 ♫ In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida baby 440 00:20:50,460 --> 00:20:54,543 ♫ Don't you know that I love you 441 00:20:55,618 --> 00:20:57,201 - Rock on, bitches! 442 00:20:58,199 --> 00:21:00,489 - Poppers, (mumbles)? 443 00:21:00,489 --> 00:21:01,988 - Only if you eat me first. 444 00:21:01,988 --> 00:21:03,303 - Welcome to the house of horrors. 445 00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:04,150 - Ah. 446 00:21:04,150 --> 00:21:06,758 ♫ Welcome to the house of horrors 447 00:21:06,758 --> 00:21:09,680 ♫ Quasimoda is my name 448 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:13,263 ♫ Scream, hide, run inside 449 00:21:15,549 --> 00:21:18,159 ♫ Years ago, I was a hottie 450 00:21:18,159 --> 00:21:20,989 ♫ Now I play a different game 451 00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:22,131 ♫ They call me 452 00:21:22,131 --> 00:21:24,149 - I still remember when they opened this place. 453 00:21:24,149 --> 00:21:25,360 ♫ A troll 454 00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:28,440 - I made the very first peep hole. 455 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,949 ♫ Talking about a hot troll 456 00:21:30,949 --> 00:21:34,449 - And (mumbles) that big. 457 00:21:35,668 --> 00:21:37,640 ♫ Hot troll dig deep 458 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:41,807 ♫ They told every single time he played bingo 459 00:21:43,128 --> 00:21:46,723 - I was curious to take a look, just a little glance. 460 00:21:46,723 --> 00:21:49,635 ♫ The cute boys, they all like my jokes 461 00:21:49,635 --> 00:21:52,581 - You can't blame me, I wanted to see more. 462 00:21:52,581 --> 00:21:55,009 ♫ Jealous ones just call the cops 463 00:21:55,009 --> 00:21:56,552 - Are you a cop? 464 00:21:56,552 --> 00:21:57,691 - No. 465 00:21:57,691 --> 00:21:58,524 You? 466 00:21:58,524 --> 00:22:02,107 ♫ Competition gets me down 467 00:22:03,763 --> 00:22:06,451 ♫ I had my day in this old town 468 00:22:06,451 --> 00:22:08,051 - So you made the hole bigger? 469 00:22:08,051 --> 00:22:10,032 - Yeah, I came in that day with some tools. 470 00:22:10,032 --> 00:22:14,199 I used to be a carpenter you know, so it was easy. 471 00:22:16,091 --> 00:22:18,552 ♫ A troll's lament 472 00:22:18,552 --> 00:22:21,443 ♫ It's not your fault 473 00:22:21,443 --> 00:22:23,723 ♫ Just let me vent 474 00:22:23,723 --> 00:22:26,211 ♫ Sometimes I get so sad and blue 475 00:22:26,211 --> 00:22:29,261 ♫ I think of all the years that flew 476 00:22:29,261 --> 00:22:33,428 ♫ And all the hurt and pain and love I never knew 477 00:22:35,181 --> 00:22:38,039 ♫ It's not so bad after a while 478 00:22:38,039 --> 00:22:40,701 ♫ It only hurts bad when you smile 479 00:22:40,701 --> 00:22:43,559 ♫ My memory's so precious few 480 00:22:43,559 --> 00:22:46,688 ♫ Of all the married men I blew 481 00:22:46,688 --> 00:22:48,171 ♫ Hot troll 482 00:22:48,171 --> 00:22:50,680 - Yeah, one day when the hole was 483 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:52,800 big enough, a gas station attendant 484 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,312 came from across the street on his 485 00:22:54,312 --> 00:22:57,648 lunch break and stuck his dick into my booth. 486 00:22:57,648 --> 00:22:59,814 - And he still resides in your pantheon. 487 00:22:59,814 --> 00:23:01,377 Five best drinks ever. 488 00:23:01,377 --> 00:23:04,085 - Oh yes, I think about it 489 00:23:04,085 --> 00:23:06,806 every day when I'm playing with myself. 490 00:23:06,806 --> 00:23:08,223 I just relive it. 491 00:23:10,187 --> 00:23:11,915 First came the head. 492 00:23:11,915 --> 00:23:15,536 Like a Roman helmet, that's my fav. 493 00:23:15,536 --> 00:23:19,703 Then the shaft followed all wide and thick and hard. 494 00:23:21,446 --> 00:23:23,072 Come to think of it, I probably 495 00:23:23,072 --> 00:23:25,467 invented the very first glory hole. 496 00:23:25,467 --> 00:23:27,275 - You should've registered it as a patent. 497 00:23:27,275 --> 00:23:28,256 (laughter) 498 00:23:28,256 --> 00:23:29,089 - Touche. 499 00:23:30,289 --> 00:23:32,000 - That was my other mistake. 500 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:33,651 I could've had the rights to all 501 00:23:33,651 --> 00:23:36,099 the glory holes over the country. 502 00:23:36,099 --> 00:23:39,600 I would've collected royalties every time one was used. 503 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,651 - You would've been a millionaire. 504 00:23:41,651 --> 00:23:43,796 - Dream on, baby, dream on. 505 00:23:43,796 --> 00:23:46,133 - [Quasimoda] Coulda woulda shoulda! 506 00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:47,716 - I gotta go study. 507 00:23:48,983 --> 00:23:50,566 - It didn't happen! 508 00:23:52,644 --> 00:23:55,881 - Hey boss, got anything for the head? 509 00:23:55,881 --> 00:23:56,798 - Aspirins. 510 00:23:59,500 --> 00:24:01,362 - Attention everyone, this is the police! 511 00:24:01,362 --> 00:24:02,511 (screaming) 512 00:24:02,511 --> 00:24:04,631 You're all under arrest! 513 00:24:04,631 --> 00:24:05,508 - Shit! 514 00:24:05,508 --> 00:24:08,238 - [Cop] Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt. 515 00:24:08,238 --> 00:24:10,286 - I need to see the lighting director. 516 00:24:10,286 --> 00:24:12,868 - It's not a movie, sister. 517 00:24:12,868 --> 00:24:16,057 - Oh God, what am I going to do? 518 00:24:16,057 --> 00:24:19,718 - Kuja, make a break for it, the fire escape, come on! 519 00:24:19,718 --> 00:24:23,108 (fire alarm ringing) 520 00:24:23,108 --> 00:24:24,337 - Freeze! 521 00:24:24,337 --> 00:24:25,345 Don't you move or you'll be slapped with 522 00:24:25,345 --> 00:24:28,512 resisting arrest for trying to escape! 523 00:24:30,714 --> 00:24:34,855 - Well I guess we're in it together this time. 524 00:24:34,855 --> 00:24:35,964 - Is everyone on board? 525 00:24:35,964 --> 00:24:40,684 - Let's make sure all the cockroaches are checked in. 526 00:24:40,684 --> 00:24:43,243 - Cockroach Motel, you can check in anytime you like. 527 00:24:43,243 --> 00:24:45,746 ♫ But you may never leave 528 00:24:45,746 --> 00:24:48,413 (alarm ringing) 529 00:24:50,186 --> 00:24:51,353 - Hey Officer! 530 00:24:52,763 --> 00:24:54,680 Come here for a second. 531 00:24:55,964 --> 00:24:58,495 Did you see the movie The Good, Bad, and the Ugly? 532 00:24:58,495 --> 00:25:00,226 That is my favorite movie. 533 00:25:00,226 --> 00:25:02,559 Eli Wallach, he was awesome. 534 00:25:05,226 --> 00:25:07,244 - When is that bail bondsman coming? 535 00:25:07,244 --> 00:25:10,513 - No one gives a shit about you two. 536 00:25:10,513 --> 00:25:13,015 - (Mexican accent) El Capitano! 537 00:25:13,015 --> 00:25:14,832 I am a poor peasant with two 538 00:25:14,832 --> 00:25:17,975 goats and a small piece of land! 539 00:25:17,975 --> 00:25:21,724 I did not mean to speak against the revolution! 540 00:25:21,724 --> 00:25:22,815 - Shut up before I put you in 541 00:25:22,815 --> 00:25:25,512 an isolation tank, you crazy fruit. 542 00:25:25,512 --> 00:25:28,762 (Spanish guitar music) 543 00:25:43,830 --> 00:25:46,264 - Don't worry, baby. 544 00:25:46,264 --> 00:25:48,392 (coughs) 545 00:25:48,392 --> 00:25:51,142 It'll be over before you know it. 546 00:25:52,352 --> 00:25:54,922 - I wasn't built for this kind of cargo. 547 00:25:54,922 --> 00:25:59,482 Let's get out of here before this gets messy. 548 00:25:59,482 --> 00:26:01,732 - You getting travel fever? 549 00:26:04,314 --> 00:26:05,147 - Maybe. 550 00:26:10,246 --> 00:26:11,246 What's that? 551 00:26:13,126 --> 00:26:16,544 - Two tickets to Rio de Janeiro. 552 00:26:16,544 --> 00:26:17,864 I saved all the drugs we ripped off 553 00:26:17,864 --> 00:26:20,924 so we'll have enough to live on. 554 00:26:20,924 --> 00:26:24,395 - That money won't last forever. 555 00:26:24,395 --> 00:26:28,024 'Till you start singing at the Copacabana. 556 00:26:28,024 --> 00:26:29,441 - The Copacabana? 557 00:26:30,393 --> 00:26:33,193 - Booked you for three months. 558 00:26:33,193 --> 00:26:34,881 It's already sold out. 559 00:26:34,881 --> 00:26:35,798 - Sold out? 560 00:26:37,086 --> 00:26:38,836 - Standing room only. 561 00:26:40,435 --> 00:26:41,685 - I can't sing. 562 00:26:43,678 --> 00:26:45,166 - You'll sing like a bird! 563 00:26:45,166 --> 00:26:46,713 (dramatic sting) 564 00:26:46,713 --> 00:26:50,255 You know phone numbers, you know addresses, 565 00:26:50,255 --> 00:26:53,516 you know drug dealers, give me some drug dealers. 566 00:26:53,516 --> 00:26:55,495 - I don't know anything. 567 00:26:55,495 --> 00:26:57,217 - You think this is some kind of fucking game! 568 00:26:57,217 --> 00:26:58,120 (dramatic sting) 569 00:26:58,120 --> 00:26:59,094 Lunch! 570 00:26:59,094 --> 00:27:00,177 Bon appetite. 571 00:27:01,244 --> 00:27:02,772 - A lovely sandwich. 572 00:27:02,772 --> 00:27:04,505 - Don't knock it, baby. 573 00:27:04,505 --> 00:27:07,305 Where's the toilet paper? 574 00:27:07,305 --> 00:27:08,138 Thank God. 575 00:27:12,350 --> 00:27:14,785 Peanut butter sandwich? - Yikes. 576 00:27:14,785 --> 00:27:15,823 That's horrible. 577 00:27:15,823 --> 00:27:17,465 - Come on, you gotta laugh at it. 578 00:27:17,465 --> 00:27:18,882 - It's not funny. 579 00:27:20,054 --> 00:27:21,484 - Look, let's make the best of a bad 580 00:27:21,484 --> 00:27:25,317 situation Jamie, I don't like it either, mmmk? 581 00:27:26,190 --> 00:27:27,023 - Okay. 582 00:27:28,502 --> 00:27:29,761 - Now they'll probably be closing the 583 00:27:29,761 --> 00:27:33,841 bookstore, what are you gonna do for fun? 584 00:27:33,841 --> 00:27:34,972 - I don't know. 585 00:27:34,972 --> 00:27:36,644 I'll have to think about it. 586 00:27:36,644 --> 00:27:39,422 I don't really like the bars. 587 00:27:39,422 --> 00:27:40,505 - Me neither. 588 00:27:42,092 --> 00:27:44,742 Funny, I came from a small town 589 00:27:44,742 --> 00:27:47,801 and there was nothing to do and I end up 590 00:27:47,801 --> 00:27:50,700 in a big city with less than nothing to do. 591 00:27:50,700 --> 00:27:53,497 There must be some kind of lesson in there. 592 00:27:53,497 --> 00:27:54,870 - Friends? 593 00:27:54,870 --> 00:27:56,203 - Sure, friends. 594 00:27:58,521 --> 00:28:00,368 - I need a partner in crime. 595 00:28:00,368 --> 00:28:01,285 - A friend. 596 00:28:03,601 --> 00:28:05,288 - I've always wanted someone who I could 597 00:28:05,288 --> 00:28:09,598 do things with and dream with and share goals. 598 00:28:09,598 --> 00:28:12,637 - God knows I've dreamed my life away. 599 00:28:12,637 --> 00:28:13,470 - Me too. 600 00:28:14,990 --> 00:28:16,797 I think it's good to get out of 601 00:28:16,797 --> 00:28:19,329 the bookstore scene for a while. 602 00:28:19,329 --> 00:28:21,369 I'm glad the bookstore's closing. 603 00:28:21,369 --> 00:28:22,619 - Yeah, me too. 604 00:28:24,460 --> 00:28:27,596 As an alternative, what do you think about square dancing? 605 00:28:27,596 --> 00:28:28,918 - (laughs) No! 606 00:28:28,918 --> 00:28:29,835 Too cowboy. 607 00:28:31,443 --> 00:28:35,443 Can you really see the two of us square dancing? 608 00:28:37,529 --> 00:28:39,423 - All right, you clowns. 609 00:28:39,423 --> 00:28:43,023 Turns out somebody actually gives a shit about you. 610 00:28:43,023 --> 00:28:43,940 Time to go. 611 00:28:44,970 --> 00:28:46,103 - Chuck! 612 00:28:46,103 --> 00:28:47,314 How did you know I was here? 613 00:28:47,314 --> 00:28:48,364 - I have my ways. 614 00:28:48,364 --> 00:28:52,703 - Guess what, your big pal got busted in a fag bookstore. 615 00:28:52,703 --> 00:28:54,023 - Who's your friend man? 616 00:28:54,023 --> 00:28:56,293 - Oh this is Hal, he's considering a sex change. 617 00:28:56,293 --> 00:28:58,314 - Oh don't do it, just be yourself. 618 00:28:58,314 --> 00:29:01,716 - I was in the strip joint next door, I was leaving. 619 00:29:01,716 --> 00:29:02,977 - Let me take you home, gang. 620 00:29:02,977 --> 00:29:03,810 - Aw man! 621 00:29:11,357 --> 00:29:12,197 - Right, well-- 622 00:29:12,197 --> 00:29:13,037 - Oh, okay. 623 00:29:13,037 --> 00:29:15,287 (laughter) 624 00:29:18,666 --> 00:29:19,618 Freedom! 625 00:29:19,618 --> 00:29:21,089 - Hey guys. 626 00:29:21,089 --> 00:29:23,487 A daytime sighting, how unusual. 627 00:29:23,487 --> 00:29:24,633 - Busy night ahead. 628 00:29:24,633 --> 00:29:26,463 Hey Betty, hello Wilma. 629 00:29:26,463 --> 00:29:28,033 What are you girls up to tonight? 630 00:29:28,033 --> 00:29:29,383 - It's dike night at the The Baths. 631 00:29:29,383 --> 00:29:30,503 We're all in a tither about it. 632 00:29:30,503 --> 00:29:31,336 (laughs) 633 00:29:31,336 --> 00:29:32,732 - You girls do The Baths? 634 00:29:32,732 --> 00:29:35,684 - Yeah, we do steam rooms, glory holes, all that stuff. 635 00:29:35,684 --> 00:29:37,404 Why, you think you got a patent on that shit? 636 00:29:37,404 --> 00:29:39,172 - All right, way to go girls! 637 00:29:39,172 --> 00:29:40,844 You're gonna have to tell us all about it. 638 00:29:40,844 --> 00:29:43,124 - Oh we will, but it'll have to wait 'till Monday. 639 00:29:43,124 --> 00:29:46,213 Wilma here's quite a hit, she'll keep us busy all night. 640 00:29:46,213 --> 00:29:48,119 - She must be hung like a doughnut. 641 00:29:48,119 --> 00:29:50,660 - Fuck you, your dick don't make you special, boy. 642 00:29:50,660 --> 00:29:51,788 (laughter) 643 00:29:51,788 --> 00:29:52,968 - [Hal] Nice seeing you too. 644 00:29:52,968 --> 00:29:54,780 - Gotta run, we'll see you boys later. 645 00:29:54,780 --> 00:29:56,048 - See ya. 646 00:29:56,048 --> 00:29:59,500 (gentle piano music) 647 00:29:59,500 --> 00:30:01,250 - Now this is living. 648 00:30:03,148 --> 00:30:04,810 - And I don't wanna get busted again. 649 00:30:04,810 --> 00:30:07,370 Whatever we do, it's gotta be legal. 650 00:30:07,370 --> 00:30:09,703 - What did you have in mind? 651 00:30:12,527 --> 00:30:14,610 - This is what I had in mind. 652 00:30:14,610 --> 00:30:16,468 Betty and Wilma, they could-- 653 00:30:16,468 --> 00:30:17,468 - The dikes? 654 00:30:18,367 --> 00:30:19,479 - Yeah. 655 00:30:19,479 --> 00:30:23,646 We take them to the suburbs with us and pose as our wives. 656 00:30:26,118 --> 00:30:26,951 - Why? 657 00:30:28,039 --> 00:30:30,958 - So we can blend in with the married couples. 658 00:30:30,958 --> 00:30:35,125 That way we can work the straight guys from within. 659 00:30:37,730 --> 00:30:41,237 - Why do you want them to pretend to be straight? 660 00:30:41,237 --> 00:30:44,290 - Have you seen these guys? 661 00:30:44,290 --> 00:30:47,237 I talk to them all day long. 662 00:30:47,237 --> 00:30:48,798 They would never have sex with an out and out 663 00:30:48,798 --> 00:30:52,460 gay guy, but with another married guy, 664 00:30:52,460 --> 00:30:55,710 like themselves, that is another story. 665 00:30:57,490 --> 00:30:59,868 It's like a closed set. 666 00:30:59,868 --> 00:31:02,348 It's like a club I wanna belong to. 667 00:31:02,348 --> 00:31:04,399 Don't you wanna join? 668 00:31:04,399 --> 00:31:05,919 - Are you nuts? 669 00:31:05,919 --> 00:31:07,581 Got any other ideas? 670 00:31:07,581 --> 00:31:09,976 - Let's go for a walk. 671 00:31:09,976 --> 00:31:11,913 Whatever we do, if I invest money 672 00:31:11,913 --> 00:31:13,931 in a changing lifestyle, you have 673 00:31:13,931 --> 00:31:16,913 to bring something to the table too. 674 00:31:16,913 --> 00:31:19,492 - [Hal] I'll try to make the adjustment, that's plenty. 675 00:31:19,492 --> 00:31:21,364 - [Jamie] How do I know I can trust you? 676 00:31:21,364 --> 00:31:23,850 - [Hal] You tell me. 677 00:31:23,850 --> 00:31:25,673 - [Jamie] We sign a handshake contract. 678 00:31:25,673 --> 00:31:27,772 Whatever we conquer, we share. 679 00:31:27,772 --> 00:31:29,701 And we don't lie to each other. 680 00:31:29,701 --> 00:31:31,033 Deal? 681 00:31:31,033 --> 00:31:32,433 - [Hal] Okay. 682 00:31:32,433 --> 00:31:35,132 As long as it's a realistic plan though. 683 00:31:35,132 --> 00:31:38,170 Like making ourselves more popular 684 00:31:38,170 --> 00:31:40,052 at the gay bars or something. 685 00:31:40,052 --> 00:31:42,033 I even know that Miss Galena who gives 686 00:31:42,033 --> 00:31:45,973 lessons in how to be a star in gay life. 687 00:31:45,973 --> 00:31:47,140 - Miss Galena? 688 00:31:48,791 --> 00:31:50,151 - The most important thing to 689 00:31:50,151 --> 00:31:52,901 learn is how to make an entrance. 690 00:31:57,031 --> 00:32:01,692 When you enter a room, you must create an impression. 691 00:32:01,692 --> 00:32:03,775 If not, all will be lost. 692 00:32:06,684 --> 00:32:08,634 - Show us how. 693 00:32:08,634 --> 00:32:11,884 (ethereal dance music) 694 00:32:26,983 --> 00:32:29,233 - Wow, that was impressive. 695 00:32:30,656 --> 00:32:33,739 - Thank you, I had years of practice. 696 00:32:34,995 --> 00:32:36,777 - What's next? 697 00:32:36,777 --> 00:32:37,944 - The outfits. 698 00:32:39,699 --> 00:32:41,248 - What about the outfits? 699 00:32:41,248 --> 00:32:44,248 - You must be noticed upon arrival. 700 00:32:44,248 --> 00:32:46,418 As Phyllis Diller once said, if you cannot be 701 00:32:46,418 --> 00:32:50,251 chief of staff, then at least make them laugh. 702 00:32:51,246 --> 00:32:53,329 (laughs) 703 00:32:54,965 --> 00:32:56,266 - Explain. 704 00:32:56,266 --> 00:33:00,433 - Now the idea is to inject a little eccentricity. 705 00:33:01,555 --> 00:33:04,575 Draw attention to yourself. 706 00:33:04,575 --> 00:33:08,994 Especially when you're going up the staircase, 707 00:33:08,994 --> 00:33:12,577 or coming down, just don't walk the stairs. 708 00:33:14,221 --> 00:33:16,208 You fuck them. 709 00:33:16,208 --> 00:33:18,791 (techno music) 710 00:33:25,070 --> 00:33:26,942 - Everybody's staring at us! 711 00:33:26,942 --> 00:33:29,025 (laughs) 712 00:33:31,950 --> 00:33:35,033 ♫ Run, now baby, run 713 00:33:37,462 --> 00:33:40,879 ♫ Run to the sun and fly 714 00:33:42,324 --> 00:33:44,491 ♫ Up high 715 00:33:45,782 --> 00:33:48,902 ♫ Run, dark lady, tell me how 716 00:33:48,902 --> 00:33:51,319 - Draw attention to yourself. 717 00:33:52,153 --> 00:33:54,142 ♫ Like a fool in love 718 00:33:54,142 --> 00:33:55,236 - Act lewd. 719 00:33:55,236 --> 00:33:57,319 (laughs) 720 00:33:59,609 --> 00:34:02,878 ♫ (mumbles) up and down, I'm gonna be a star 721 00:34:02,878 --> 00:34:06,438 ♫ Boogie in my dancing shoes will take me very far 722 00:34:06,438 --> 00:34:09,809 ♫ Men are looking, noticing my aura and appeal 723 00:34:09,809 --> 00:34:13,356 ♫ Here comes Johnny Cannon so let's all now make a deal 724 00:34:13,356 --> 00:34:16,649 ♫ It's looking good, the night is young and cooking gasoline 725 00:34:16,649 --> 00:34:20,860 ♫ Hot (mumbles) run, run 726 00:34:20,860 --> 00:34:24,318 ♫ Don't run from me 727 00:34:24,318 --> 00:34:27,940 ♫ Don't break my heart 728 00:34:27,940 --> 00:34:31,357 ♫ All I ask is to please 729 00:34:34,068 --> 00:34:37,818 ♫ Let me be in love with you 730 00:34:43,009 --> 00:34:46,339 ♫ Scare the one scene party boys looking for a mouth to feed 731 00:34:46,339 --> 00:34:49,849 ♫ Regis said one lifeline left before we hit the skids 732 00:34:49,849 --> 00:34:51,609 ♫ Cha cha queens and shaken hearts 733 00:34:51,609 --> 00:34:53,379 ♫ Are looking for a guy to hold 734 00:34:53,379 --> 00:34:54,878 ♫ All I want is to have fun 735 00:34:54,878 --> 00:34:57,025 ♫ A fleeting moment in the sun 736 00:34:57,025 --> 00:34:59,209 ♫ Run, run 737 00:34:59,209 --> 00:35:02,658 ♫ Don't run from me 738 00:35:02,658 --> 00:35:06,575 ♫ Don't break my heart tonight 739 00:35:07,478 --> 00:35:09,978 ♫ Set me free 740 00:35:13,059 --> 00:35:14,889 - Here we are. 741 00:35:14,889 --> 00:35:16,987 You and me again. 742 00:35:16,987 --> 00:35:18,570 Just the two of us. 743 00:35:19,619 --> 00:35:20,869 - I don't mind. 744 00:35:23,298 --> 00:35:27,215 - Let's meet tomorrow to make a plan of attack. 745 00:35:28,729 --> 00:35:30,179 - Sounds good. 746 00:35:30,179 --> 00:35:32,888 You got something in mind? 747 00:35:32,888 --> 00:35:34,758 - Now remember this, it helps 748 00:35:34,758 --> 00:35:36,668 to throw a little money around. 749 00:35:36,668 --> 00:35:37,708 Being broke will not make 750 00:35:37,708 --> 00:35:40,208 you popular, so tip, tip, tip. 751 00:35:49,817 --> 00:35:51,769 Straight men love massage. 752 00:35:51,769 --> 00:35:53,028 When they get touched by manly 753 00:35:53,028 --> 00:35:55,998 hands it's a big turn-on to them. 754 00:35:55,998 --> 00:35:57,817 And use expensive lotion. 755 00:35:57,817 --> 00:35:59,497 - 25 bucks a bottle. 756 00:35:59,497 --> 00:36:02,080 - One that gets under the skin. 757 00:36:03,097 --> 00:36:04,329 - It's okay, I'm okay. 758 00:36:04,329 --> 00:36:05,916 These beers are going right through me. 759 00:36:05,916 --> 00:36:08,226 Where's your bathroom? 760 00:36:08,226 --> 00:36:09,143 - Dear God. 761 00:36:11,476 --> 00:36:12,786 - What the fuck? 762 00:36:12,786 --> 00:36:14,094 What up? 763 00:36:14,094 --> 00:36:15,244 (screaming) 764 00:36:15,244 --> 00:36:20,104 - Let's face it Jamie, the gay boys will never want us. 765 00:36:20,104 --> 00:36:23,255 They're too smart to buy our bullshit. 766 00:36:23,255 --> 00:36:28,094 However, the straight ones, that's a different story. 767 00:36:28,094 --> 00:36:29,876 They're not as fussy. 768 00:36:29,876 --> 00:36:33,404 All they care about is what feels good. 769 00:36:33,404 --> 00:36:35,636 - What are you talking about? 770 00:36:35,636 --> 00:36:38,374 - Let's do drag as our next gimmick, baby. 771 00:36:38,374 --> 00:36:40,614 - You're not gonna start that again. 772 00:36:40,614 --> 00:36:41,986 Why would they want us? 773 00:36:41,986 --> 00:36:43,333 They want women. 774 00:36:43,333 --> 00:36:45,116 - And that's what they'll get. 775 00:36:45,116 --> 00:36:47,453 Or at least that's what they think they'll be getting. 776 00:36:47,453 --> 00:36:49,933 This is as close as I'm coming to your idea. 777 00:36:49,933 --> 00:36:51,695 - There's this sexual organ, Hal. 778 00:36:51,695 --> 00:36:53,746 It's called the vagina. 779 00:36:53,746 --> 00:36:55,066 It's a little hole that straight 780 00:36:55,066 --> 00:36:57,386 men like to put their dick into. 781 00:36:57,386 --> 00:36:58,886 We don't have one. 782 00:36:59,946 --> 00:37:01,055 - Oh? 783 00:37:01,055 --> 00:37:03,175 And what's this? 784 00:37:03,175 --> 00:37:04,946 - That's a different hole, Hal. 785 00:37:04,946 --> 00:37:07,546 I'm talking about the one with hair all over it. 786 00:37:07,546 --> 00:37:09,276 - I'll grow a Fu Manchu mustache. 787 00:37:09,276 --> 00:37:11,426 - I'll call the paramedics. 788 00:37:11,426 --> 00:37:14,306 - Wait a minute, you can trust me on this. 789 00:37:14,306 --> 00:37:18,106 I know an old troll friend who put on high heels and a wig. 790 00:37:18,106 --> 00:37:21,884 You wouldn't believe the tricks he's getting. 791 00:37:21,884 --> 00:37:23,723 Look, let's go to my place. 792 00:37:23,723 --> 00:37:26,012 Miss Galena will loan me a few wigs. 793 00:37:26,012 --> 00:37:28,106 - Come on, you gotta be shitting me. 794 00:37:28,106 --> 00:37:29,356 The guys who are into drag queens are 795 00:37:29,356 --> 00:37:31,375 just as gay as the boys in the disco. 796 00:37:31,375 --> 00:37:33,695 - This is the best idea we've had so far. 797 00:37:33,695 --> 00:37:35,284 It's a combination of my idea 798 00:37:35,284 --> 00:37:37,803 and your straight guy obsession. 799 00:37:37,803 --> 00:37:40,615 There's a whole wonderful wide world out there. 800 00:37:40,615 --> 00:37:43,516 A twilight zone of the sexual fringe. 801 00:37:43,516 --> 00:37:46,116 That's where we belong. 802 00:37:46,116 --> 00:37:48,844 - A twilight zone of gay life. 803 00:37:48,844 --> 00:37:49,761 - Isn't it? 804 00:37:52,164 --> 00:37:54,916 We'll call this Operation Dick Snatch. 805 00:37:54,916 --> 00:37:56,333 - Oh my God, yes! 806 00:37:57,684 --> 00:37:59,242 Yes, oh my God! 807 00:37:59,242 --> 00:38:01,724 We'll have them all, we'll have rude 808 00:38:01,724 --> 00:38:03,964 delivery men and gas station attendants! 809 00:38:03,964 --> 00:38:05,604 - Meat packers and bartenders. 810 00:38:05,604 --> 00:38:06,795 - What if we get excited? 811 00:38:06,795 --> 00:38:10,993 What if my crankshaft sticks out like a pole? 812 00:38:10,993 --> 00:38:13,972 - Tell them it was a prosthetic from your hernia operation. 813 00:38:13,972 --> 00:38:15,754 Those boys are stupid. 814 00:38:15,754 --> 00:38:17,421 They'll go for that. 815 00:38:18,743 --> 00:38:20,076 - Well let's go! 816 00:38:21,332 --> 00:38:22,943 - Let's go! 817 00:38:22,943 --> 00:38:26,314 ♫ My baby does the hanky panky 818 00:38:26,314 --> 00:38:30,183 ♫ My baby does the hanky panky 819 00:38:30,183 --> 00:38:34,194 ♫ My baby does the hanky panky 820 00:38:34,194 --> 00:38:37,642 ♫ My baby does the hanky panky 821 00:38:37,642 --> 00:38:41,559 ♫ My baby does the hanky panky 822 00:38:42,912 --> 00:38:44,503 - Oh my God. 823 00:38:44,503 --> 00:38:45,586 Look at that. 824 00:38:46,592 --> 00:38:49,509 (sultry RandB music) 825 00:38:50,554 --> 00:38:51,912 - Good evening, ladies. 826 00:38:51,912 --> 00:38:52,745 - Hello. 827 00:38:54,394 --> 00:38:56,154 - Are you here for gas? 828 00:38:56,154 --> 00:38:58,322 - No, we're here for a hysterectomy. 829 00:38:58,322 --> 00:38:59,322 Fill 'er up. 830 00:39:00,672 --> 00:39:01,732 Act like a lady. 831 00:39:01,732 --> 00:39:03,065 - [Jamie] Right. 832 00:39:08,202 --> 00:39:09,702 - Act like a lady. 833 00:39:13,442 --> 00:39:14,711 - Oh my gosh. 834 00:39:14,711 --> 00:39:16,674 (mumbles). 835 00:39:16,674 --> 00:39:17,924 - He put it in. 836 00:39:19,222 --> 00:39:20,305 He put it in. 837 00:39:21,602 --> 00:39:23,242 - [Jamie] Didn't even use a condom. 838 00:39:23,242 --> 00:39:25,575 - He didn't, I noticed that. 839 00:39:28,034 --> 00:39:29,367 - Anything else? 840 00:39:30,452 --> 00:39:32,381 - [Hal] Could you check the oil please? 841 00:39:32,381 --> 00:39:34,631 ♫ Hard sex 842 00:39:42,092 --> 00:39:46,259 ♫ The other boys don't get his bone 843 00:39:50,554 --> 00:39:54,387 ♫ But he lets me eat his corn 844 00:40:07,351 --> 00:40:10,101 ♫ Straight lover 845 00:40:14,322 --> 00:40:15,471 - [Hal] Those (mumbles) they can get 846 00:40:15,471 --> 00:40:17,122 violated in the flick of a wrist. 847 00:40:17,122 --> 00:40:18,000 - Oh yes. 848 00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:20,063 Oh shit, oh shit, what is he doing? 849 00:40:20,063 --> 00:40:21,480 What is he doing? 850 00:40:23,122 --> 00:40:24,789 - Oh, oh, oh my God. 851 00:40:25,922 --> 00:40:27,476 - That's all you get tonight, ladies. 852 00:40:27,476 --> 00:40:28,976 Have a good night. 853 00:40:34,567 --> 00:40:35,567 - Oh my God. 854 00:40:36,795 --> 00:40:38,716 I have never in my whole life wanted 855 00:40:38,716 --> 00:40:41,883 real breasts more than I do right now. 856 00:40:43,247 --> 00:40:45,447 - [Hal] All in due time. 857 00:40:45,447 --> 00:40:48,280 - It's just happiness in my world. 858 00:40:49,897 --> 00:40:54,754 - Look at all them hot escorts in (mumbles). 859 00:40:54,754 --> 00:40:55,587 - Driving. 860 00:40:56,447 --> 00:40:59,148 - I heard there was a drag queen contest tonight. 861 00:40:59,148 --> 00:41:00,127 - Where? 862 00:41:00,127 --> 00:41:01,754 - Rosco's. 863 00:41:01,754 --> 00:41:04,276 - [Jamie] Did you finally get that amateur DVD in the mail? 864 00:41:04,276 --> 00:41:05,668 What's it called? 865 00:41:05,668 --> 00:41:07,607 - Urchins of Doom. 866 00:41:07,607 --> 00:41:09,857 (laughter) 867 00:41:10,876 --> 00:41:13,676 - Bring it down, we'll watch it at my place. 868 00:41:13,676 --> 00:41:15,468 - [Hal] Why don't you come up? 869 00:41:15,468 --> 00:41:16,927 We'll watch it in mine. 870 00:41:16,927 --> 00:41:19,716 You've never been up there, you know? 871 00:41:19,716 --> 00:41:20,549 - Okay. 872 00:41:22,497 --> 00:41:25,747 Why do you have to live in such a dump? 873 00:41:41,456 --> 00:41:43,296 Do you have any hot chocolate? 874 00:41:43,296 --> 00:41:45,265 - [Hal] No, I'm out. 875 00:41:45,265 --> 00:41:46,348 Play the DVD. 876 00:41:48,965 --> 00:41:52,965 (Spanish acoustic guitar music) 877 00:41:54,576 --> 00:41:56,576 - (laughs) Nachos Grande? 878 00:41:56,576 --> 00:41:58,525 Whatever happened to him? 879 00:41:58,525 --> 00:42:00,275 I thought he retired. 880 00:42:02,717 --> 00:42:06,217 - Are you the man they call Nachos Grande? 881 00:42:07,277 --> 00:42:10,397 - All the way to the melted cheese, baby. 882 00:42:10,397 --> 00:42:12,647 (laughter) 883 00:42:14,967 --> 00:42:15,997 You want some? 884 00:42:15,997 --> 00:42:16,830 - You bet. 885 00:42:18,395 --> 00:42:21,562 Sure do look mighty tasty, Mr. Grande. 886 00:42:22,616 --> 00:42:26,783 - Well they don't call me Nachos Grande for nothing. 887 00:42:28,856 --> 00:42:30,805 Show me your tool. 888 00:42:30,805 --> 00:42:34,055 Legend has it to be a monster of Japan. 889 00:42:35,906 --> 00:42:39,275 - [Porn Actor] They don't call me 9/11 for nothing. 890 00:42:39,275 --> 00:42:40,358 - You betcha. 891 00:42:46,147 --> 00:42:47,477 - Jamie, I really wanna go to 892 00:42:47,477 --> 00:42:49,565 that drag queen contest tonight. 893 00:42:49,565 --> 00:42:50,648 Just for fun. 894 00:42:51,546 --> 00:42:53,478 I think it'll give me a lift. 895 00:42:53,478 --> 00:42:56,349 After all, we haven't been very successful yet. 896 00:42:56,349 --> 00:42:57,520 - [Jamie] Come on Hal, let's just watch 897 00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:01,187 the movie like the good friends we are, huh? 898 00:43:03,629 --> 00:43:07,129 - You mean like the two old trolls we are. 899 00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:08,873 - Oh yeah. 900 00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:11,633 Oh yeah. 901 00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:15,620 (moans) Yeah. 902 00:43:18,607 --> 00:43:20,357 - What are you doing? 903 00:43:21,814 --> 00:43:23,803 - Breaking all the barriers. 904 00:43:23,803 --> 00:43:26,035 Let's get it on, baby. 905 00:43:26,035 --> 00:43:28,003 Queen to queen. 906 00:43:28,003 --> 00:43:29,384 Bitch to bitch. 907 00:43:29,384 --> 00:43:31,003 Stud to stud. 908 00:43:31,003 --> 00:43:32,483 Motherfucker to motherfucker! 909 00:43:32,483 --> 00:43:34,733 (laughter) 910 00:43:37,734 --> 00:43:41,251 - (laughs) Stop! 911 00:43:41,251 --> 00:43:46,022 - Jamie, please let me go to the drag queen contest. 912 00:43:46,022 --> 00:43:48,043 If I win, I might find a hot man 913 00:43:48,043 --> 00:43:51,626 who will notice me and squeeze my tits too. 914 00:43:53,454 --> 00:43:55,763 - (sighs) All right. 915 00:43:55,763 --> 00:43:59,142 All right, but if he does, you call me. 916 00:43:59,142 --> 00:44:00,309 Friends share. 917 00:44:01,582 --> 00:44:03,262 - Of course. 918 00:44:03,262 --> 00:44:05,679 I'll drive you home, come on. 919 00:44:07,454 --> 00:44:10,473 - You know what, it's okay, I'll watch the movie. 920 00:44:10,473 --> 00:44:14,473 It's already midnight and shouldn't be too late. 921 00:44:15,714 --> 00:44:16,797 If it's okay. 922 00:44:18,101 --> 00:44:18,934 - Well... 923 00:44:21,659 --> 00:44:23,659 Okay, I'll be back soon. 924 00:44:25,174 --> 00:44:26,007 - Okay. 925 00:44:31,053 --> 00:44:33,113 - [Nachos] Oh yeah. 926 00:44:33,113 --> 00:44:36,280 ("La Cucaracha" song) 927 00:44:47,211 --> 00:44:50,044 - Hey lady, what can I do for you? 928 00:45:06,457 --> 00:45:08,624 (snoring) 929 00:45:10,728 --> 00:45:11,561 - Hello? 930 00:45:11,561 --> 00:45:12,947 Roscoe's? 931 00:45:12,947 --> 00:45:14,398 Yeah, I was just curious what time 932 00:45:14,398 --> 00:45:16,819 does your drag queen contest end tonight? 933 00:45:16,819 --> 00:45:17,652 What? 934 00:45:19,477 --> 00:45:20,644 You're closed? 935 00:45:21,907 --> 00:45:23,490 There's no contest? 936 00:45:26,997 --> 00:45:27,830 Thank you. 937 00:46:11,790 --> 00:46:13,957 (snoring) 938 00:46:28,637 --> 00:46:29,887 Where were you? 939 00:46:30,805 --> 00:46:32,557 - You better go. 940 00:46:32,557 --> 00:46:34,427 It's getting late. 941 00:46:34,427 --> 00:46:36,176 It was all a bust anyway. 942 00:46:36,176 --> 00:46:37,926 - Oh, you didn't win? 943 00:46:39,005 --> 00:46:39,838 - No. 944 00:46:40,893 --> 00:46:43,094 There were better ones. 945 00:46:43,094 --> 00:46:45,594 - Oh Hal, you're being modest. 946 00:46:47,041 --> 00:46:49,102 Bet you got first place. 947 00:46:49,102 --> 00:46:50,435 - You better go. 948 00:46:51,462 --> 00:46:54,662 - Drag queen contest at Roscoe's? 949 00:46:54,662 --> 00:46:55,495 I called. 950 00:46:56,502 --> 00:46:57,752 There was none. 951 00:46:59,454 --> 00:47:01,272 - I'm sorry. 952 00:47:01,272 --> 00:47:04,203 I really needed to do this. 953 00:47:04,203 --> 00:47:05,536 - I trusted you. 954 00:47:06,672 --> 00:47:07,922 You lied to me! 955 00:47:09,651 --> 00:47:11,484 We had a pact, a deal. 956 00:47:13,557 --> 00:47:16,167 - And we still do, Jamie. 957 00:47:16,167 --> 00:47:19,834 I just couldn't get this guy out of my mind. 958 00:47:21,046 --> 00:47:21,879 I'm sorry. 959 00:47:22,749 --> 00:47:24,646 I should have told you the truth. 960 00:47:24,646 --> 00:47:27,396 - [Jamie] Yes you should've, pal. 961 00:47:31,477 --> 00:47:33,894 - Will you please forgive me? 962 00:47:35,898 --> 00:47:37,315 - I'm afraid not. 963 00:47:39,037 --> 00:47:40,728 Let's get one thing straight. 964 00:47:40,728 --> 00:47:41,561 - What? 965 00:47:43,429 --> 00:47:46,983 - Just because I'm a glory hole queen 966 00:47:46,983 --> 00:47:49,612 doesn't mean I don't have any principles. 967 00:47:49,612 --> 00:47:50,445 - Okay. 968 00:47:51,932 --> 00:47:53,932 - Nice knowing you, Hal. 969 00:47:58,052 --> 00:48:01,552 (western harmonica music) 970 00:48:09,770 --> 00:48:11,051 I'll tell you something. 971 00:48:11,051 --> 00:48:13,801 Gay people are not to be trusted. 972 00:48:14,982 --> 00:48:19,083 They'd sell their own mother out for a cheap trick. 973 00:48:19,083 --> 00:48:21,851 - I'm so glad they reopened this place. 974 00:48:21,851 --> 00:48:23,233 - Sam got a good lawyer, know him 975 00:48:23,233 --> 00:48:26,639 from a Union Station toilet, huge cock dick. 976 00:48:26,639 --> 00:48:27,849 - Did you have it? 977 00:48:27,849 --> 00:48:29,516 - Unfortunately not. 978 00:48:30,369 --> 00:48:33,169 Sam was never the same after (mumbles). 979 00:48:33,169 --> 00:48:36,836 ♫ I wrote a letter to daddy 980 00:48:49,159 --> 00:48:52,538 - Hey Jamie, how have you been? 981 00:48:52,538 --> 00:48:53,729 - I'm through. 982 00:48:53,729 --> 00:48:54,708 - What's wrong? 983 00:48:54,708 --> 00:48:56,889 - My life's over, that's what's wrong. 984 00:48:56,889 --> 00:48:58,980 I'm a real misfit. 985 00:48:58,980 --> 00:49:02,249 - Well I'll tell you what, you have a minute? 986 00:49:02,249 --> 00:49:04,258 I wanna take you someplace. 987 00:49:04,258 --> 00:49:05,658 - Where? 988 00:49:05,658 --> 00:49:07,580 - Do you like pinball? 989 00:49:07,580 --> 00:49:08,740 - I love pinball. 990 00:49:08,740 --> 00:49:11,068 - All right, let's go. 991 00:49:11,068 --> 00:49:11,901 - [Jamie] Really? 992 00:49:11,901 --> 00:49:13,901 - [Monty] Yeah, come on. 993 00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:18,340 - [Automated Voice] Your shoe is untied. 994 00:49:18,340 --> 00:49:19,423 - Hey, focus. 995 00:49:20,959 --> 00:49:22,260 - [Automated Terminator Voice] I'm not 996 00:49:22,260 --> 00:49:24,329 programmed to follow your orders. 997 00:49:24,329 --> 00:49:26,059 - [Jamie] Focus on what, my fuck-ups? 998 00:49:26,059 --> 00:49:27,820 - No, the ball. 999 00:49:27,820 --> 00:49:30,060 - Okay, I see it. 1000 00:49:30,060 --> 00:49:31,919 What's with the backpack? 1001 00:49:31,919 --> 00:49:33,951 - I'm going back home to Boston. 1002 00:49:33,951 --> 00:49:35,780 Summer's almost over and I'm gonna 1003 00:49:35,780 --> 00:49:39,689 miss all you guys, especially you, Jamie. 1004 00:49:39,689 --> 00:49:43,140 Do you wanna go sit down and talk? 1005 00:49:43,140 --> 00:49:45,359 Are you all right? 1006 00:49:45,359 --> 00:49:46,929 - Can't say that I am. 1007 00:49:46,929 --> 00:49:50,169 Everyone screams liberation, gay rights, gay marriage. 1008 00:49:50,169 --> 00:49:51,500 Where's my liberation? 1009 00:49:51,500 --> 00:49:53,260 Where's my group? 1010 00:49:53,260 --> 00:49:56,390 Do I have to wait for another 500 years for it to form? 1011 00:49:56,390 --> 00:50:00,030 I wanna be adored for the exact quality 1012 00:50:00,030 --> 00:50:03,620 I'm rejected for in all the gay bars. 1013 00:50:03,620 --> 00:50:05,478 The women love me because they wanna be 1014 00:50:05,478 --> 00:50:09,968 like me, and the men treat me like a novelty, 1015 00:50:09,968 --> 00:50:13,350 something unique that enriches their lives. 1016 00:50:13,350 --> 00:50:14,900 My husband comes home every day 1017 00:50:14,900 --> 00:50:16,929 and I have dinner waiting for him. 1018 00:50:16,929 --> 00:50:19,248 When he sees me, he can't hold 1019 00:50:19,248 --> 00:50:20,540 himself back, so he attacks me 1020 00:50:20,540 --> 00:50:22,089 with a spatula in my hand as I'm 1021 00:50:22,089 --> 00:50:24,839 flipping the chicken-fried steak. 1022 00:50:25,849 --> 00:50:29,099 This would be totally acceptable to me. 1023 00:50:31,718 --> 00:50:35,998 I could live like that for years and years. 1024 00:50:35,998 --> 00:50:37,718 It's so much more interesting than ending 1025 00:50:37,718 --> 00:50:40,635 up as some gossipy queen who thinks 1026 00:50:42,062 --> 00:50:44,321 Lily Tomlin snorts are funny. 1027 00:50:44,321 --> 00:50:45,298 (snorts) 1028 00:50:45,298 --> 00:50:47,620 (laughter) 1029 00:50:47,620 --> 00:50:50,769 - Come on, we have some more pinball to play. 1030 00:50:50,769 --> 00:50:51,961 - [Jamie] Yes, master. 1031 00:50:51,961 --> 00:50:54,505 - Now seriously, let me show you something. 1032 00:50:54,505 --> 00:50:55,738 - [Automated Terminator Voice] Come with 1033 00:50:55,738 --> 00:50:56,989 me if you want to live. 1034 00:50:56,989 --> 00:50:57,822 - See? 1035 00:50:57,822 --> 00:50:59,173 Schwarzenegger knows. 1036 00:50:59,173 --> 00:51:00,413 - I'm no Schwarzenegger. 1037 00:51:00,413 --> 00:51:01,354 - Thank God. 1038 00:51:01,354 --> 00:51:03,604 (laughter) 1039 00:51:04,794 --> 00:51:07,543 Now seriously, let me show you something. 1040 00:51:07,543 --> 00:51:11,274 If you wanna get what you want, focus on the ball. 1041 00:51:11,274 --> 00:51:15,497 - [Automated Terminator Voice] Rocket blitz. 1042 00:51:15,497 --> 00:51:20,201 - See, Jamie, you are the ball, you're the game. 1043 00:51:20,201 --> 00:51:22,118 Now look at the mirror. 1044 00:51:27,033 --> 00:51:29,702 That is who you should be. 1045 00:51:29,702 --> 00:51:33,827 The person playing the game, not the game. 1046 00:51:33,827 --> 00:51:34,744 You get it? 1047 00:51:36,871 --> 00:51:37,704 - Yeah. 1048 00:51:38,682 --> 00:51:40,322 I think so. 1049 00:51:40,322 --> 00:51:41,155 - Cause... 1050 00:51:42,658 --> 00:51:44,718 - [Automated Terminator Voice] One to go. 1051 00:51:44,718 --> 00:51:46,159 - And effect. 1052 00:51:46,159 --> 00:51:47,492 Come on, try it. 1053 00:51:49,679 --> 00:51:50,512 - Cause... 1054 00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:56,237 - [Monty] There you go. 1055 00:51:57,480 --> 00:51:58,313 - Effect. 1056 00:51:59,711 --> 00:52:03,128 - See, now you're in control of the game. 1057 00:52:06,841 --> 00:52:11,791 All right, I gave you the tools, now you do the work. 1058 00:52:11,791 --> 00:52:14,858 My train for Boston's waiting for me. 1059 00:52:14,858 --> 00:52:18,951 And the other Jamie's waiting for me too. 1060 00:52:18,951 --> 00:52:22,034 (gentle piano music) 1061 00:53:27,195 --> 00:53:29,265 - [Ray] Jamie, I need you out here! 1062 00:53:29,265 --> 00:53:31,015 - Yeah, okay, coming. 1063 00:53:34,977 --> 00:53:36,060 - Brakes 100. 1064 00:53:38,755 --> 00:53:39,672 Struts 250. 1065 00:53:41,004 --> 00:53:41,837 - Okay. 1066 00:53:46,305 --> 00:53:48,739 - Wheel cylinders 350. 1067 00:53:48,739 --> 00:53:49,572 Fuck. 1068 00:53:49,572 --> 00:53:51,069 - Great, wow. 1069 00:53:51,069 --> 00:53:53,120 - Hey, you getting those figures right there, Jamie? 1070 00:53:53,120 --> 00:53:54,440 - I think so. 1071 00:53:54,440 --> 00:53:55,520 - I'll tell you what, you're a 1072 00:53:55,520 --> 00:53:57,371 pretty honest bookkeeper, that's why I let you 1073 00:53:57,371 --> 00:54:00,349 sign the checks, but don't let it get to your head. 1074 00:54:00,349 --> 00:54:01,731 - I'll do my best. 1075 00:54:01,731 --> 00:54:03,668 - So you sign the checks? 1076 00:54:03,668 --> 00:54:06,960 - Yeah, occupational liability. 1077 00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:08,971 - I've got extra tickets to The Cubs. 1078 00:54:08,971 --> 00:54:11,011 Buddy of mine can't come. 1079 00:54:11,011 --> 00:54:13,228 You wanna go, it's on me. 1080 00:54:13,228 --> 00:54:14,099 - Are you sure? 1081 00:54:14,099 --> 00:54:15,520 - Sure I'm sure. 1082 00:54:15,520 --> 00:54:17,560 We'll do a couple of beers, raise some hell, 1083 00:54:17,560 --> 00:54:20,089 and then you can tell me all your hidden stuff. 1084 00:54:20,089 --> 00:54:21,651 - I can? 1085 00:54:21,651 --> 00:54:23,990 - (chuckles) Well maybe not all of them. 1086 00:54:23,990 --> 00:54:25,480 - Yeah. 1087 00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:26,531 - Tomorrow? 1088 00:54:26,531 --> 00:54:27,931 6 o'clock? 1089 00:54:27,931 --> 00:54:29,582 I'll pick you up. 1090 00:54:29,582 --> 00:54:30,582 - All right. 1091 00:54:31,478 --> 00:54:32,506 Let's get to it. 1092 00:54:32,506 --> 00:54:36,339 (triumphant orchestral music) 1093 00:54:39,874 --> 00:54:40,783 - What? 1094 00:54:40,783 --> 00:54:42,463 You gotta be kidding me. 1095 00:54:42,463 --> 00:54:44,263 (laughter) 1096 00:54:44,263 --> 00:54:47,263 (casual conversing) 1097 00:55:00,766 --> 00:55:01,766 Woo hoo hoo! 1098 00:55:19,576 --> 00:55:23,743 (casual conversing) (easy listening music) 1099 00:55:32,796 --> 00:55:35,078 (laughter) 1100 00:55:35,078 --> 00:55:36,106 - I'll (mumbles). 1101 00:55:36,106 --> 00:55:37,523 - Yeah, go ahead. 1102 00:56:00,423 --> 00:56:01,707 - I pissed like a racehorse. 1103 00:56:01,707 --> 00:56:03,256 - Oh man. 1104 00:56:03,256 --> 00:56:04,566 Tell you what, if you were a racehorse, 1105 00:56:04,566 --> 00:56:06,467 I'd be a jockey, we'd win every round. 1106 00:56:06,467 --> 00:56:07,694 - No shit. 1107 00:56:07,694 --> 00:56:09,944 (laughter) 1108 00:56:13,827 --> 00:56:15,744 - You want another one? 1109 00:56:16,758 --> 00:56:19,241 - You know, how about after this we go to 1110 00:56:19,241 --> 00:56:23,860 The Admiral and check out the lap dancers there. 1111 00:56:23,860 --> 00:56:26,780 I hear the chicks there are supposed to be sexy as all hell. 1112 00:56:26,780 --> 00:56:29,197 - (mumbles). 1113 00:56:36,753 --> 00:56:38,086 Come and get it! 1114 00:56:39,256 --> 00:56:40,089 Come on. 1115 00:56:41,754 --> 00:56:43,186 (laughs) 1116 00:56:43,186 --> 00:56:45,151 I think she wants to take you home. 1117 00:56:45,151 --> 00:56:46,538 - No, she's on you. 1118 00:56:46,538 --> 00:56:47,828 - Fuck you. 1119 00:56:47,828 --> 00:56:48,846 Fire in the hole. 1120 00:56:48,846 --> 00:56:50,429 - Fire in the hole. 1121 00:57:04,454 --> 00:57:05,454 - I'm horny. 1122 00:57:07,014 --> 00:57:10,181 - Yeah, me too, those chicks were hot. 1123 00:57:12,022 --> 00:57:14,272 - What do you wanna do now? 1124 00:57:15,374 --> 00:57:17,724 - I got a six pack at home. 1125 00:57:17,724 --> 00:57:19,307 - You got any porn? 1126 00:57:20,364 --> 00:57:21,364 Tits, pussy. 1127 00:57:25,294 --> 00:57:27,211 - I got tits and pussy. 1128 00:57:29,181 --> 00:57:31,931 Got some beer, we can talk trash. 1129 00:57:34,020 --> 00:57:36,319 - You ain't gay are you? 1130 00:57:36,319 --> 00:57:38,152 - Nah man, no worries. 1131 00:57:39,079 --> 00:57:39,912 - Good. 1132 00:57:40,929 --> 00:57:42,512 Let's go and do it. 1133 00:57:45,129 --> 00:57:47,379 (car revs) 1134 00:57:56,783 --> 00:57:59,033 (laughter) 1135 00:58:04,175 --> 00:58:07,342 - Why am I laughing, I don't know why. 1136 00:58:09,385 --> 00:58:10,753 You wanna play the DVD? 1137 00:58:10,753 --> 00:58:11,836 - Yeah, yeah. 1138 00:58:21,972 --> 00:58:23,291 Action. 1139 00:58:23,291 --> 00:58:24,351 - Here we go. 1140 00:58:24,351 --> 00:58:26,518 (moaning) 1141 00:58:31,412 --> 00:58:33,329 Go ahead, I don't care. 1142 00:58:52,196 --> 00:58:55,137 (coughing) 1143 00:58:55,137 --> 00:58:57,098 You just made me a fucking queer, man. 1144 00:58:57,098 --> 00:58:59,265 I fucking hate you for it. 1145 00:59:00,636 --> 00:59:04,476 - So Jamie, how's your real estate venture going? 1146 00:59:04,476 --> 00:59:06,228 We gonna be neighbors soon? 1147 00:59:06,228 --> 00:59:08,018 - Sooner than you think. 1148 00:59:08,018 --> 00:59:11,435 - We'll take good care of you, my friend. 1149 00:59:13,338 --> 00:59:16,916 Hey Ray, got any jokes to spike up a fucked morning? 1150 00:59:16,916 --> 00:59:18,727 - Not today, boss. 1151 00:59:18,727 --> 00:59:19,916 - How are you? 1152 00:59:19,916 --> 00:59:21,416 - Nothing special. 1153 00:59:24,479 --> 00:59:28,146 - I'll be in the garage if you guys need me. 1154 00:59:29,961 --> 00:59:31,313 - We gotta get Jamie a little chick to 1155 00:59:31,313 --> 00:59:33,141 play around with, otherwise people 1156 00:59:33,141 --> 00:59:35,023 might start to think you know what! 1157 00:59:35,023 --> 00:59:37,041 (laughs) 1158 00:59:37,041 --> 00:59:38,755 - Nah, not our Jamie. 1159 00:59:38,755 --> 00:59:39,956 - Right. 1160 00:59:39,956 --> 00:59:41,647 - Hey Ray, give the guy a break. 1161 00:59:41,647 --> 00:59:43,436 He's gonna be a future neighbor of ours. 1162 00:59:43,436 --> 00:59:44,565 - What? 1163 00:59:44,565 --> 00:59:45,815 - You heard me. 1164 00:59:48,786 --> 00:59:50,487 - Jamie Flowers here? 1165 00:59:50,487 --> 00:59:51,487 - That's me. 1166 00:59:52,356 --> 00:59:56,957 - I need a check for two hubcaps and a bunch of spark plugs. 1167 00:59:56,957 --> 00:59:58,353 - One second. 1168 00:59:58,353 --> 01:00:00,436 You know what, follow me. 1169 01:00:02,614 --> 01:00:03,447 Alrighty. 1170 01:00:06,894 --> 01:00:09,444 - I forgot my monkey wrench here. 1171 01:00:09,444 --> 01:00:10,361 - Alrighty. 1172 01:00:15,161 --> 01:00:15,994 Here you go. 1173 01:00:15,994 --> 01:00:17,004 - Thanks a lot, see you next month. 1174 01:00:17,004 --> 01:00:18,004 - All right. 1175 01:00:19,622 --> 01:00:20,720 Did you find it? 1176 01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:22,053 - [Ray] Not yet. 1177 01:00:23,106 --> 01:00:26,719 - Okay, look, when you're done can you lock up please? 1178 01:00:26,719 --> 01:00:27,935 - [Ray] Will do. 1179 01:00:27,935 --> 01:00:28,768 Will do. 1180 01:00:36,017 --> 01:00:37,909 - See you on the weekend, Chuck. 1181 01:00:37,909 --> 01:00:39,409 I can use a break. 1182 01:00:45,598 --> 01:00:49,189 - Psh, them fags get worse by the minute. 1183 01:00:49,189 --> 01:00:51,921 - Damn it Ray, nobody be asking you to watch it. 1184 01:00:51,921 --> 01:00:54,671 Change the channel if you got to. 1185 01:00:57,532 --> 01:01:00,282 (suspense music) 1186 01:01:31,669 --> 01:01:32,502 - Thanks. 1187 01:02:08,377 --> 01:02:10,877 (phone rings) 1188 01:02:11,999 --> 01:02:12,949 Hello? 1189 01:02:12,949 --> 01:02:15,145 - Oh hey, how are you? 1190 01:02:15,145 --> 01:02:16,876 - Oh, it's you. 1191 01:02:16,876 --> 01:02:19,412 - Well don't sound so excited. 1192 01:02:19,412 --> 01:02:22,225 God, you are impossible. 1193 01:02:22,225 --> 01:02:24,725 - I'll take these three items. 1194 01:02:25,766 --> 01:02:27,266 And the five DVDs. 1195 01:02:28,905 --> 01:02:31,155 - Gerald, I'm freaking out. 1196 01:02:32,897 --> 01:02:35,116 - Does your mother know you're here? 1197 01:02:35,116 --> 01:02:36,967 Let me see your ID. 1198 01:02:36,967 --> 01:02:38,876 - Get this, I just had the biggest 1199 01:02:38,876 --> 01:02:41,225 fattest dick of this incredible type. 1200 01:02:41,225 --> 01:02:44,516 Mid-thirties, a little greasy like a mechanic. 1201 01:02:44,516 --> 01:02:47,925 Oh God, a bit beefy, but built. 1202 01:02:47,925 --> 01:02:49,916 - Oh shit, I left it at home. 1203 01:02:49,916 --> 01:02:52,687 The check is good (mumbles). 1204 01:02:52,687 --> 01:02:53,805 - I'm coming back in a few minutes, 1205 01:02:53,805 --> 01:02:55,927 I need to feed the meter. 1206 01:02:55,927 --> 01:02:56,760 - Okay. 1207 01:02:56,760 --> 01:02:57,593 - Is it okay? 1208 01:02:57,593 --> 01:02:59,593 Mine's in the meter too. 1209 01:03:03,372 --> 01:03:05,455 - Here, take the receipt. 1210 01:03:27,539 --> 01:03:28,931 - You're gonna have this guy here? 1211 01:03:28,931 --> 01:03:30,360 You know who the fuck this is? 1212 01:03:30,360 --> 01:03:31,320 - Hey, chill out man. 1213 01:03:31,320 --> 01:03:32,639 - No, I'm not chilling out. 1214 01:03:32,639 --> 01:03:35,085 You know who this is? 1215 01:03:35,085 --> 01:03:36,857 He's a homosexual, that's what he is. 1216 01:03:36,857 --> 01:03:40,257 Do any of you have any idea what a glory hole is? 1217 01:03:40,257 --> 01:03:43,097 Ask yourselves, do you want our children exposed to this? 1218 01:03:43,097 --> 01:03:44,310 Next thing you know we're gonna have a 1219 01:03:44,310 --> 01:03:46,078 whole bunch of pedophiles running 1220 01:03:46,078 --> 01:03:49,118 around here and ending (mumbles). 1221 01:03:49,118 --> 01:03:50,430 - [Pool Woman] That's an outage. 1222 01:03:50,430 --> 01:03:51,750 - You want them to live around here? 1223 01:03:51,750 --> 01:03:52,739 No way. 1224 01:03:52,739 --> 01:03:54,297 What am I gonna tell my little children 1225 01:03:54,297 --> 01:03:55,649 when they see these fucking little 1226 01:03:55,649 --> 01:03:59,190 queens prancing up and down the sidewalk? 1227 01:03:59,190 --> 01:04:01,758 (mumbles) makeup and heels? 1228 01:04:01,758 --> 01:04:03,377 Before you know it, we'll have a whole 1229 01:04:03,377 --> 01:04:05,408 bunch of sissies standing around holding hands. 1230 01:04:05,408 --> 01:04:08,088 - Come on Ray, you're not being reasonable. 1231 01:04:08,088 --> 01:04:10,630 Have a heart man, love thy neighbor. 1232 01:04:10,630 --> 01:04:11,728 - I want him registered with 1233 01:04:11,728 --> 01:04:13,579 the police if he ever lives here. 1234 01:04:13,579 --> 01:04:16,219 - You're the one with the problem man, leave him alone. 1235 01:04:16,219 --> 01:04:18,008 - Hey don't worry, Ray. 1236 01:04:18,008 --> 01:04:19,168 Look, I'll leave so you can raise 1237 01:04:19,168 --> 01:04:22,248 your children all rosy and peachy. 1238 01:04:22,248 --> 01:04:23,289 Hopefully they won't be cursed with 1239 01:04:23,289 --> 01:04:26,249 the same sentiments that you have. 1240 01:04:26,249 --> 01:04:28,089 Thank you all for your support. 1241 01:04:28,089 --> 01:04:29,649 - Jamie, come back! 1242 01:04:29,649 --> 01:04:30,849 We don't care about that shit around here! 1243 01:04:30,849 --> 01:04:31,750 - Fuck off! 1244 01:04:31,750 --> 01:04:33,417 - You, you're the asshole! 1245 01:04:33,417 --> 01:04:36,250 - Wait and see who the asshole is! 1246 01:04:37,386 --> 01:04:42,306 - Hey Jamie, can you come over here for a moment please? 1247 01:04:42,306 --> 01:04:43,958 - Yeah, what's going on? 1248 01:04:43,958 --> 01:04:48,125 - Are you familiar with a place called Gay Treasures? 1249 01:04:53,438 --> 01:04:55,355 There's your signature. 1250 01:04:56,670 --> 01:04:58,851 - Yeah, I mean I go there from time to time, but I 1251 01:04:58,851 --> 01:05:03,019 would not use, I did not write a check to that store. 1252 01:05:03,019 --> 01:05:04,339 - I didn't think so myself, so I went 1253 01:05:04,339 --> 01:05:05,401 down and talked to the guy at the 1254 01:05:05,401 --> 01:05:09,019 counter and he claims he knows you. 1255 01:05:09,019 --> 01:05:10,091 - I mean yeah, I go there from 1256 01:05:10,091 --> 01:05:11,378 time to time, but I'm tell you I 1257 01:05:11,378 --> 01:05:13,731 don't use company money for anything I do. 1258 01:05:13,731 --> 01:05:16,051 - Jamie, I treated you like a brother. 1259 01:05:16,051 --> 01:05:17,819 Go fuck over somebody else. 1260 01:05:17,819 --> 01:05:19,139 I can't trust you anymore. 1261 01:05:19,139 --> 01:05:20,571 Ray, fill in for this guy. 1262 01:05:20,571 --> 01:05:21,499 - Chuck, listen to me. 1263 01:05:21,499 --> 01:05:22,499 - Yes sir. 1264 01:05:22,499 --> 01:05:24,916 - 'Till we get somebody else. 1265 01:05:27,139 --> 01:05:29,299 - Good luck, Jamie! 1266 01:05:29,299 --> 01:05:31,830 One final word, stick to your own kind. 1267 01:05:31,830 --> 01:05:32,663 - Hey. 1268 01:05:38,841 --> 01:05:43,008 - All right, I gave you the tools, now you do the work. 1269 01:05:44,497 --> 01:05:48,414 - [Automated Terminator Voice] You're an idiot. 1270 01:05:49,870 --> 01:05:50,787 - 'Cause... 1271 01:05:51,971 --> 01:05:53,054 - And effect. 1272 01:05:57,291 --> 01:05:58,958 Sam, I need a favor. 1273 01:06:01,915 --> 01:06:03,998 Can you trace this check? 1274 01:06:06,402 --> 01:06:08,184 (phone rings) 1275 01:06:08,184 --> 01:06:09,202 - Yes, hello? 1276 01:06:09,202 --> 01:06:10,202 - Chuck, hi. 1277 01:06:11,352 --> 01:06:12,722 This is Hal. 1278 01:06:12,722 --> 01:06:14,693 You remember me, I'm a friend of Jamie's. 1279 01:06:14,693 --> 01:06:15,973 - [Chuck] I don't wanna talk to you. 1280 01:06:15,973 --> 01:06:17,442 - No, listen. 1281 01:06:17,442 --> 01:06:19,082 Jamie's in a lot of trouble. 1282 01:06:19,082 --> 01:06:22,499 It's because of one of your workers, Ray. 1283 01:06:23,352 --> 01:06:24,992 - That's the guy. 1284 01:06:24,992 --> 01:06:27,322 I never forget a face, all right? 1285 01:06:27,322 --> 01:06:30,482 He's the one who wrote me the bad check. 1286 01:06:30,482 --> 01:06:32,472 - (laughs) Come on. 1287 01:06:32,472 --> 01:06:34,055 It was a joke, man. 1288 01:06:35,122 --> 01:06:37,693 I mean the dildo, the faggot stuff? 1289 01:06:37,693 --> 01:06:38,802 This is funny! 1290 01:06:38,802 --> 01:06:40,885 (laughs) 1291 01:06:51,494 --> 01:06:53,085 Come on, man. 1292 01:06:53,085 --> 01:06:55,502 I helped you out with a bust. 1293 01:06:56,435 --> 01:06:58,935 I didn't even get a thank you. 1294 01:07:16,753 --> 01:07:18,920 We can work it out, Jamie. 1295 01:07:20,383 --> 01:07:21,216 Come on. 1296 01:07:22,684 --> 01:07:23,517 Come on. 1297 01:07:29,943 --> 01:07:31,193 Son of a bitch! 1298 01:07:42,848 --> 01:07:44,389 - Now I'm the lowdown cocksucker 1299 01:07:44,389 --> 01:07:46,017 who just beat the shit out of you! 1300 01:07:46,017 --> 01:07:48,434 What does that make you, Ray? 1301 01:07:49,536 --> 01:07:50,607 - Enough! 1302 01:07:50,607 --> 01:07:53,378 Ray, you'll go to jail for this shit. 1303 01:07:53,378 --> 01:07:55,058 Take your shit and get outta here, 1304 01:07:55,058 --> 01:07:57,168 we never wanna see you again! 1305 01:07:57,168 --> 01:07:58,001 - Fuck you, Chuck. 1306 01:07:58,001 --> 01:07:59,928 - No, fuck you. 1307 01:07:59,928 --> 01:08:02,050 - You're gonna believe a faggot over an old school buddy? 1308 01:08:02,050 --> 01:08:02,883 - Yeah. 1309 01:08:02,883 --> 01:08:03,920 - He's a cocksucker, they always lie. 1310 01:08:03,920 --> 01:08:05,251 - No, I don't. 1311 01:08:05,251 --> 01:08:08,334 (gentle piano music) 1312 01:08:15,525 --> 01:08:17,655 - I thought you were straight. 1313 01:08:17,655 --> 01:08:19,238 - Nobody's perfect. 1314 01:08:24,857 --> 01:08:26,057 - Good luck. 1315 01:08:26,057 --> 01:08:26,890 - Thanks. 1316 01:08:29,495 --> 01:08:30,412 - Monsieur. 1317 01:08:31,287 --> 01:08:32,954 - Why don't I drive. 1318 01:08:35,876 --> 01:08:38,959 - [Chuck] Welcome to paradise, Jamie. 1319 01:08:42,207 --> 01:08:43,996 - How you ladies doing? 1320 01:08:43,996 --> 01:08:46,753 - Everything worked out so perfectly. 1321 01:08:46,753 --> 01:08:47,924 - Yeah. 1322 01:08:47,924 --> 01:08:52,091 Best of both worlds, just keep (mumbles). 1323 01:08:56,194 --> 01:08:58,423 - [Jerry] This is Jerry Sans from WGAY 1324 01:08:58,423 --> 01:09:00,303 signing off for this afternoon. 1325 01:09:00,303 --> 01:09:01,971 See you all next week. 1326 01:09:01,971 --> 01:09:06,103 Whatever you do, just don't get married. 1327 01:09:06,103 --> 01:09:10,270 ♫ I want a straight lover who is gay just for me 1328 01:09:16,212 --> 01:09:20,379 ♫ I want a straight lover who is gay just for me 1329 01:09:21,293 --> 01:09:23,254 ♫ I don't compete with others 1330 01:09:23,254 --> 01:09:26,293 ♫ So you queens just let me be 1331 01:09:26,293 --> 01:09:28,086 ♫ When he comes home at 5 1332 01:09:28,086 --> 01:09:31,236 ♫ I wait with dinner by the door 1333 01:09:31,236 --> 01:09:33,396 ♫ He waves and jogs the distance 1334 01:09:33,396 --> 01:09:36,326 ♫ Every day I want him more 1335 01:09:36,326 --> 01:09:39,076 ♫ Straight lover 1336 01:09:41,105 --> 01:09:43,272 ♫ Hot sex 1337 01:09:51,886 --> 01:09:55,469 ♫ Lust for me and me alone 1338 01:09:56,966 --> 01:10:01,133 ♫ The other boys don't get his bone 1339 01:10:02,076 --> 01:10:06,243 ♫ I let him see straight kinky porn 1340 01:10:07,356 --> 01:10:11,273 ♫ Then he lets me eat his corn 1341 01:10:12,405 --> 01:10:17,325 ♫ I'm (mumbles) with lust and joy 1342 01:10:17,325 --> 01:10:21,492 ♫ I lick my chops and pet his toy 1343 01:10:22,614 --> 01:10:24,985 ♫ He's the man who craves the chase 1344 01:10:24,985 --> 01:10:29,152 ♫ It's all about the time and place 1345 01:10:48,253 --> 01:10:53,232 ♫ (mumbles) and tasty and so sweet 1346 01:10:53,232 --> 01:10:58,232 ♫ Smiles a lot, he's tall and lean 1347 01:10:58,232 --> 01:11:02,149 ♫ Works like crazy on his core 1348 01:11:03,312 --> 01:11:07,479 ♫ And loves to chew on fat cigars 1349 01:11:08,640 --> 01:11:12,557 ♫ When I leave, he has no clue 1350 01:11:13,536 --> 01:11:18,178 ♫ I have my cake and eat it too 1351 01:11:18,178 --> 01:11:20,928 ♫ Straight lover 1352 01:11:23,087 --> 01:11:25,254 ♫ Hot sex 1353 01:11:28,895 --> 01:11:33,062 ♫ No one knows what's coming next